The Garth Crooks Wisdom Thread

[Elite]

He says lots of things ; doesn't mean they have any basis in fact. You'll miss him when he's locked up in padded cell,

Garth wouldn't mind that, he's the type of fella who'd happily draw faces out of his own shit for hours on end.

[magicrat]

Garth wouldn't mind that, he's the type of fella who'd happily draw faces out of his own shit for hours on end.

 

He will write his masterpiece,  "A concise history of the achievements of English football"..

When he's finished that he will have a walk in the exercise yard before he has lunch

[Guest Pistonbroke]

Fucking hell, words fail me. 

 

Midfielder - Raheem Sterling (Manchester City)

 

The touch around the corner from Sergio Aguero for Sterling to finish against Bournemouth was just mesmerising. Sterling was brilliant on the ball yet again and the England star provided a glorious ball for Danilo to scored his first goal for the club in the 4-0 win over the Cherries. Sterling has proved to be a total pain in the neck for Bournemouth this season as he robbed them of points in the reverse fixture at the start of the season.

Against Newcastle, Sterling, who has a striking resemblance to a young Eusebio (and has his pace), was electric once again and seems to be latching onto everything Kevin de Bruyne throws at him. The awareness these City players seem to have acquired under the careful development of Pep Guardiola is simply breath-taking.

[sir roger]

Garth makes me laugh & he is occasionally actually thought-provoking whereas those Brexit-faced bastards , Murphy & Shearer , have never uttered anything more interesting than supermarket muzak.

[Grinch]

Other than the completely idiotic comparison to Eusibio, he's right enough Sterling.   Looks the dogs bollocks now and undoubtedly would be just as great under Klopp.   Another one we let away.

[sir roger]

Agree that he looks very good in that City team , but before we criticise the club for letting him go we could also acknowledge that a large proportion of the fanbase were more interested in exaggerating how many children he had than in his talents, and there was pretty widespread jubilation at the fee involved.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

Other than the completely idiotic comparison to Eusibio, he's right enough Sterling.   Looks the dogs bollocks now and undoubtedly would be just as great under Klopp.   Another one we let away.

He wanted away and his cunt agent made no bones about it.

[Thoth]

Fucking Clown

 

Garth Crooks has asked for a ‘consultancy’ fee from Liverpool for suggesting that they spend £45m on Brighton defender Lewis Dunk.

 

Dunk has been excellent this season but after spending £75m on Virgil van Dijk, we suspect that Liverpool may choose to pass on this suggestion from the BBC ‘expert’.

 

Crooks believes that Dunk may be the centre-half he has seen this season, which will come as a blow to Cesar Azpilicueta and John Stones.

 

Crooks writes:

‘It was Dunk’s performance against Watford, and again at Newcastle, that left me thinking he is a top-four defender if ever I saw one. Whether he can mentally cope in that environment would be my only concern, but in terms of his defensive qualities I don’t think I’ve seen a better centre-back this season. I’ve seen more polished performances but nothing quite so efficient.

 

‘It struck me that Liverpool could do themselves a great service by making an audacious move for Dunk. What would he cost – £35m in today’s grossly over-inflated market?

 

‘Offer £45m and I’ve no doubt Brighton boss Chris Hughton would drive him to Anfield himself. Could Brighton afford to turn that down? Alongside Virgil van Dijk, Liverpool would suddenly have two towering defenders who know how to defend. They should be paying me a consultancy for this column!’

[Guest Pistonbroke]

We could pay for his food shop for a week, I'm sure we have a spare 50 grand lying around. 

[Lee909]

His performances against the Newcastle and Watford. Fuck me

[Dicko]

I'd pay a consultancy fee for Garth Crooks to be taken off TV.

[Harry Squatter]

He must be on a wind up now.

[magicrat]

Garth drunk on Dunk,  

[SammyAftershave]

Who the fuck is going to pay for Garth Crook's prescription?

[stringvest]

If he's not regularly taking vast amounts of Class A's I'm a dutchman. 

[Guest]

His performances against the Newcastle and Watford. Fuck me

Well, it's better than the way we used to sign players. Based on their performances against Liverpool!

[Remmie]

If he's not regularly taking vast amounts of Class A's I'm a dutchman. 

He is a class A

[Carvalho Diablo]

Agree that he looks very good in that City team , but before we criticise the club for letting him go we could also acknowledge that a large proportion of the fanbase were more interested in exaggerating how many children he had than in his talents, and there was pretty widespread jubilation at the fee involved.

I'm still convinced we had their eyes out.

 

Form is temporary, shitness is permanent.

[sir roger]

Credit to Garth for not pulling any punches on Mourinho. The fact it comes in his piece choosing Harry Maguire for team of the week makes it a double-whammy for Ardja.

 

In the post-match news conference interest once again centred on the war of words between Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho and Chelsea boss Antonio Conte. Although no names were mentioned, Mourinho's earlier veiled remark about 'contempt', which seemed to be pointed in Conte's direction, clearly grated with the Italian. However the Chelsea manager did well to ignore the questions posed by journalists. He has spent far too much time responding to Mourinho and his mind games. It is becoming clearer by the day that Mourinho is doing this deliberately.

The former Chelsea boss has been irritatingly astute at taking the attention away from the fact that his team have failed to lay a glove on Manchester City and he is using Conte as the diversion. Every time Conte bites back it diminishes the former Itay international who, having played the game at the highest level, respects its customs and traditions. Mourinho on the other hand shows no respect to either of those conventions because he is a mere beneficiary of the game and gives nothing back in return.

[sir roger]

I'm still convinced we had their eyes out.

 

Form is temporary, shitness is permanent.

 

Sorry CD , just spotted this post when doing the one before.

 

I'd love you to be right , but with some of the recent quoted values , £49m is looking a steal.

[3 Stacks]

Sorry CD , just spotted this post when doing the one before.

 

I'd love you to be right , but with some of the recent quoted values , £49m is looking a steal.

 

Had we rightly signed him to a lucrative new deal at the beginning of 14/15, we could have sold him for double what we actually did when he would have inevitably started kicking up a fuss. 

[Redder Lurtz]

On Andrew Robertson in his team of the week:

 

"The quality of his crosses against West Ham would have drained the blood out of vampires."

 

What?

[lifetime fan]

On Andrew Robertson in his team of the week:

 

"The quality of his crosses against West Ham would have drained the blood out of vampires."

 

What?

 

Hahahaha

 

Posted that in his thread on here. He’s 3 fucking chicken nuggets short of a happy meal.

[magicrat]

On Andrew Robertson in his team of the week:

 

"The quality of his crosses against West Ham would have drained the blood out of vampires."

 

What?

 

I thought vampires did the blood draining . Garth really does need to buff up on his allegorical undead comparisons.  

[Anubis]

He's referring to the sight of Robbo's CROSSES causing vampires fright. CROSS. As in CRUCIFIX. You useless, humourless bastards. How dare you mock such comedic genius.