The Local News Thread

[AngryOfTuebrook]

There are some cracking stories in local newspapers, which don't make it nationally (and are not worth starting a thread for).  This thread shall be their repository.

 

I'll kick off with the Morecambe reaper.

http://www.thevisitor.co.uk/news/local/man-dressed-as-grim-reaper-arrested-1-1208455

 

A man standing outside Morecambe police station dressed as the 'Grim Reaper' was arrested after a drunken night that went from bad to worse.

Christopher Kelly, 31, had come to Morecambe on October 5 with a group of friends from Nelson and got extremely drunk on lager and vodka.

Kelly lost his mates, who were celebrating a friend's birthday and were also drunk, and wandered onto the beach where he got stuck in boggy sand and lost his shoes, trousers and jacket.

Cold and wet, he staggered across the road to Morecambe Town Hall where, seeing a window open, he climbed inside.

There he went in various rooms, took a camera and a mobile phone which he tried to use to call his friends. Then he soiled his underwear which he threw into a black bin bag.

He found a 'Grim Reaper' fancy dress outfit and put this on before leaving the town hall and wandering down Lord Street towards Poulton Square where he eventually arrived at the police station which was, at that time, unmanned. He stood there for three hours, still in the Grim Reaper gear, until police arrived.

As the tale was being outlined by prosecutor Peter Bardsley at Lancaster Magistrates' Court on Friday, one probation service officer had to leave the courtroom in a fit of laughter.

Mr Bardsley said some of Kelly's antics in the town hall were captured on CCTV and added: "He didn't remember why he stole the camera and the phone but remembers taking an item of clothing but not where he found it.

"He was cold and very drunk."

Defending, John Lee said: "This is a strange case, one which has caused hilarity but is serious.

"In interview he made a full and frank admission that he was drunk and entered the town hall as a trespasser.

"The camera and mobile phone were recovered but the Grim Reaper outfit was disposed of.

"This has been the cause of a great deal of embarrassment for him.

"He's remorseful and ashamed of what he's done but has moderated his drinking and doesn't want to end up in a position like that again."

Magistrates agreed that they were very bizarre events and gave Kelly, 31, of Railway Street, Nelson a six month conditional discharge after he admitted burglary, having entered the town hall as a trespasser.

He was ordered to pay prosecution costs.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

.

[Captain Turdseye]

Oi!

 

http://www.liverpoolway.co.uk/index.php?/topic/99469-the-weird-and-wonderful-local-news-thread/?fromsearch=1

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Oi!

 

http://www.liverpoolway.co.uk/index.php?/topic/99469-the-weird-and-wonderful-local-news-thread/?fromsearch=1

Wanky Google.  I searched "Liverpool Way General Forum Local News" and drew a blank before I started this thread.

[Champ]

Oi!

http://www.liverpoolway.co.uk/index.php?/topic/99469-the-weird-and-wonderful-local-news-thread/?fromsearch=1

You can talk, CT. Not a month before bigbak had started a remarkably similar thread to yours, hmmmm?

 

http://www.liverpoolway.co.uk/index.php?/topic/98778-local-news/?hl=%2Blocal+%2Bnews

[Captain Turdseye]

Nah, I can't see the similarities there.

[stringvest]

There must be something from your neck of the woods CT - they're all batshit round there.

[Nelly-Szoboszlai]

http://www.cornishguardian.co.uk/year-old-Alex-billed-15-95-failing-attend-friend/story-25887657-detail/story.html

 

Five year old Alex is billed £15.95 for failing to attend friend's birthday party

By DaveCDM | Posted: January 19, 2015

 

Five-year-old Alex Nash and dad Derek holding the invoice

Five-year-old Alex Nash and dad Derek holding the invoice

Comments (0)

FAILING to attend a friend's birthday party has landed a Torpoint five-year old with an invoice for a 'no-show fee' - and has seen his parents threatened with court action.

Derek Nash and his partner discovered the bill after it was slipped into their son's, Alex, school bag.

 

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They dismissed it as a joke initially - but are now being threatened with a small claims court action unless the £15.95 is paid.

The row started after the family confirmed that their son would be attending the party at the Ski Slope and Snowboard Centre just before Christmas.

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However, they soon realised that they had double booked - and said they did not have a contact number to let Alex's friend's mum know they were going to have to cancel.

Alex returned to Torpoint Nursery and Infant School on January 6, but just over a week later, the family were shocked to receive the bill.

 

Derek continued: "My partner looked out for [the friend's mother] to apologise for Alex not showing up to the party, but didn't see her.

"But on January 15 she looked in Alex's school bag and found a brown envelope. It was an invoice for #15.95 for a child's party no show fee.

"I asked Alex's class teacher if [the child's mother] had given anything to her. She said, 'Yes, a brown envelope'.

"I then visited Alex's school headteacher, who couldn't apologise enough that one of the teachers had passed this on. She said she would remind all staff that this was a breach of protocol."

"I left the school and went to see [the birthday boy's mother] as her address was on the invoice.

"When she answered the door I told her I had found the invoice in my son's school bag and that I wasn't happy about it.

"I told her I would not be paying her the money.

"I told her she should have spoken to me first and not put the invoice in my son's school bag.

"I would have sympathised with her about the cost of Alex not showing up, but I just can't believe the way she has gone around it."

The unnamed mother has since threatened the family that she would take the case to a small claims court, while the birthday boy will no longer play with Alex at school.

Derek added: "I drive all around the South West for my job and I have talked to quite a few people about this.

"They're all quite incredulous that this has happened. I thought it was a joke to begin with. I am lost for words."

Derek's partner, who doesn't want to be named, has been in contact with the mum via Facebook hoping to resolve the situation.

The mother of Alex's friend was unavailable for comment when contacted

[Champ]

It must be a quiet 'news' day as its made the R4 news headlines too. Since when did playground gossip become natinally important?

[Captain Turdseye]

There must be something from your neck of the woods CT - they're all batshit round there.

You mean where I live now? There's fuck all here. My bird was on the front page of the weekly rag three times early last year because she complained about dodgy parking at the school. A few months later she left a random comment on their Facebook page under an article about people not picking up their dog shit. The week after that they printed a giant picture of a dog turd on the front page with a tiny picture of Mrs Turdseye next to it.

 

Other notable front pages include heads being kicked off flowers at a school and a window getting smashed at another.

[VladimirIlyich]

You mean where I live now? There's fuck all here. My bird was on the front page of the weekly rag three times early last year because she complained about dodgy parking at the school. A few months later she left a random comment on their Facebook page under an article about people not picking up their dog shit. The week after that they printed a giant picture of a dog turd on the front page with a tiny picture of Mrs Turdseye next to it.

 

Other notable front pages include heads being kicked off flowers at a school and a window getting smashed at another.

Bet you wish you'd never left Runcorn,its a right hotbed of crime where you are now.

[Captain Turdseye]

Aye, life can be tough in the ghetto.

 

I spent a bit of time in the 'Corn at the weekend. I Haven't actually lived there since 05/06 and had forgotten what a depressing place it is. Even when I used to go over every couple of months if be happy to see my mates and that so it had a certain charm. Now I just think to myself, what the fuck are you doing here.

 

I'd always lived either in Runcorn or Speke, moving back and forth between the two. Speke is even worse these days, crackheads everywhere. And the roads are coming up in clumps, if the speed bumps don't get you, the potholes will. They've got a carvery and a garden centre now though which has added a touch of culture to the place.

[VladimirIlyich]

Aye, life can be tough in the ghetto.

 

I spent a bit of time in the 'Corn at the weekend. I Haven't actually lived there since 05/06 and had forgotten what a depressing place it is. Even when I used to go over every couple of months if be happy to see my mates and that so it had a certain charm. Now I just think to myself, what the fuck are you doing here.

 

I'd always lived either in Runcorn or Speke, moving back and forth between the two. Speke is even worse these days, crackheads everywhere. And the roads are coming up in clumps, if the speed bumps don't get you, the potholes will. They've got a carvery and a garden centre now though which has added a touch of culture to the place.

Oh yeah,Dobbies and a Toby Inns. What next,an Art Museum?

[lifetime fan]

Can't remember the last time I read the local rag. That may have something to do with it being owned by the hate mail.

[Captain Turdseye]

Oh yeah,Dobbies and a Toby Inns. What next,an Art Museum?

I'm told there's plans to turn the Flying Saucer/Mill House pub into a Chinese restaurant. Imagine going for a nice dinner on Alderwood Avenue. You'd walk past the derelict flats, through the broken glass and over the stab victims just to enjoy some microwaved Siu Mai and frozen chips. Dessert would be either a police raid or a glass in the face.

[Mook]

Breaking new in Edinburgh, wait for it...

 

A fox has been trapped in a clothing line:-

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-30897198

 

I thought they were meant to be clever as well.

 

Twats.

[Chairman Meow]

What quaint news they have in the rest of the country.

 

Meanwhile on last nights front page in the North East........

 

http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/chester-le-street-man-like-caged-animal-8476736

[Captain Turdseye]

The best headline I ever saw in the Echo was posted on here in Stronts 'coming out' thread. 

 

'Dog sex grandmother's partner in the dock for child porn stash'

 

Ace.

[stringvest]

You mean where I live now? There's fuck all here. My bird was on the front page of the weekly rag three times early last year because she complained about dodgy parking at the school. A few months later she left a random comment on their Facebook page under an article about people not picking up their dog shit. The week after that they printed a giant picture of a dog turd on the front page with a tiny picture of Mrs Turdseye next to it.

 

Other notable front pages include heads being kicked off flowers at a school and a window getting smashed at another.

 

 

that's precisely the sort of stuff I'm talking about!  A turd on the front page of the local rag is not something you'd get everywhere.  

[stringvest]

I'm told there's plans to turn the Flying Saucer/Mill House pub into a Chinese restaurant. Imagine going for a nice dinner on Alderwood Avenue. You'd walk past the derelict flats, through the broken glass and over the stab victims just to enjoy some microwaved Siu Mai and frozen chips. Dessert would be either a police raid or a glass in the face.

 

haha!  

[Chairman Meow]

You mean where I live now? There's fuck all here. My bird was on the front page of the weekly rag three times early last year because she complained about dodgy parking at the school. A few months later she left a random comment on their Facebook page under an article about people not picking up their dog shit. The week after that they printed a giant picture of a dog turd on the front page with a tiny picture of Mrs Turdseye next to it.

 

Other notable front pages include heads being kicked off flowers at a school and a window getting smashed at another.

 

We all need to see this front page CT

[Captain Turdseye]

We all need to see this front page CT

Haha, she chucked it straight in the bin. I've got to nip out for a bit now but I'll try and find it online later on.

[Champ]

Breaking new in Edinburgh, wait for it...

 

A fox has been trapped in a clothing line:-

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-30897198

 

I thought they were meant to be clever as well.

 

Twats.

You beat me to it!

 

That ran for 2 days

[Anubis]

Not local. But bizarre. I suppose it could lead to some embarrassing situations. Conversation in the school canteen:

 

"I love to lick Nutella slowly."

"I take Nutella spread across toast."

 

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-30993608

 

A French court has stopped parents from naming their baby girl Nutella after the hazelnut spread, ruling that it would make her the target of derision.

 

The judge ordered that the child be called Ella instead.

 

He said in his ruling that the name Nutella was the trade name of a spread that is commonplace in Gallic homes.

 

"And it is contrary to the child's interest to have a name that can only lead to teasing or disparaging thoughts," he pronounced.

 

French parents are usually free to choose the names of their children, but local prosecutors are empowered to report what they deem to be unsuitable names to a family court.

 

The parents in the case on Monday did not attend the court hearing, so the judge decided in their absence that Ella was a more appropriate name.

 

There have been several cases involving children's names in France since 1993, when parents were finally given the freedom to name their children as they pleased, including:

 

• A couple who wanted to call their daughter Fraise (Strawberry) which a judge also ruled could result in the child being teased. The baby instead was renamed Fraisine, a name popular in the 19th century
•  
• A father who took legal action to try and stop French car makers Renault from using the same name as his daughter, Zoe Renault. Cedric Renault argued that if Renault named car model Zoe it would make his daughter's life a "nightmare"
•  
• lain and Sophia Renaud in 1999 fended off legal action to prevent them from naming their daughter Megane, even though local authorities said it sounded too much like a car

 

•  

[AngryOfTuebrook]

If Ocean's Eleven had been set in Ellesmere Port.

 

http://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool-news/asda-criminals-steal-dvds-posting-8526826

 

Asda's Ellesmere Port store has been forced to relocate its stock of envelopes after crafty criminals were caught posting stolen goods to themselves via the supermarket’s in-house Post Office.

Shoppers at the chain’s Ellesmere Port Supercentre branch were baffled after padded envelopes and postage boxes were moved away from the Post Office desk and kept behind the entertainment counter at the other end of the store.

Asda staff admitted to customers that the reason for the bizarre location of the envelopes was due to a wave of shoplifters taking stock including DVDs and CDs, sealing them in the envelopes and then posting them back using the store’s Post Office counter.

A confused Asda shopper posted on the Pride in the Port Facebook page to show his confusion about the sly shoplifting method.

Jennie Barker commented: “Who would have thought that there were such clever criminals in Ellesmere Port”.

Another Asda customer, Stacey Ashford-Holmes expressed her confusion about the situation. She said: “Well at least now I know why they’re there. I was so confused when I found out they were there.

Meanwhile, other shoppers made light of the situation. One said: “Ha ha! Class...... 1st class”

An Asda spokesperson confirmed that ‘a small number of customers’ were posting items to themselves using the in-store Post Office.

They said: “We take shoplifting very seriously and work with the local Police to ensure this doesn’t happen in our stores.

"This allows us to continue to offer the low prices that customers expect from Asda.”