little things that annoy the shit out of you

[Mook]

Hahaha, loads of them about. Reminds me of a lad I served in the Army with. He used to read the death columns in the local paper, then do a bit of digging. He would then just turn up at the funeral saying he was an old work colleague and get pissed and fed for nothing. He also claimed he got a fair few sympathy shags. 

 

Fair enough really if he was helping out at the graveyard.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

Never asked my parents for anything, brought no trouble, borrowed no money. My sister lived off them for 20 years despite being married, cars, loans , holidays you name it, trouble with men, debt collectors eviction etc. Sun shines out of her arse.

My mum just phoned me from Tesco to see how Iam as I'm ill, my sister met someone a few years ago a real 40 year old virgin, not on good money but suddenly she has a few bob, being big licks with my mum now, presents, a few trips here and there.

She has also forgotten all I did for her, sorting out fellas and giving her money, taking her kid away you name it.

She has just given my mum her old 49" telly, and probably loads of other shite too, the problem for her unfortunately is I have bought my mum a brand new 50" tv. Off to buy some shite presents then I will bring the telly from the van on Xmas day. Fuck you.

[Anny Road]

Trying to put those GU10 light bulbs in the ceiling. A hour its taken me to get 2 in.

[Captain Turdseye]

Trying to put those GU10 light bulbs in the ceiling. A hour its taken me to get 2 in.

An hour to get them in, sure, but how many of them could you knock out in 60 seconds?

[SammyAftershave]

I note of late an increasing number of audience members at boxing and, more so at UFC events making loud whooping noises like jungle monkeys. What the fuck is that all about? Is there some new drug doing the rounds, is it another USA imported demonstration of fuckwittery or is it simply 'Colin Hunt' type's having 'fun' and thinking they are adding to the occasion? Might I suggest a strategically placed sniper in the rafters of forthcoming events to discourage these cretinous imbeciles from giving decent hard-working monkey's a bad name.

[Dave D]

Never asked my parents for anything, brought no trouble, borrowed no money. My sister lived off them for 20 years despite being married, cars, loans , holidays you name it, trouble with men, debt collectors eviction etc. Sun shines out of her arse.

My mum just phoned me from Tesco to see how Iam as I'm ill, my sister met someone a few years ago a real 40 year old virgin, not on good money but suddenly she has a few bob, being big licks with my mum now, presents, a few trips here and there.

She has also forgotten all I did for her, sorting out fellas and giving her money, taking her kid away you name it.

She has just given my mum her old 49" telly, and probably loads of other shite too, the problem for her unfortunately is I have bought my mum a brand new 50" tv. Off to buy some shite presents then I will bring the telly from the van on Xmas day. Fuck you.

 

Uh oh.

 

Could be an eventful Christmas day...... 

[Carvalho Diablo]

Never asked my parents for anything, brought no trouble, borrowed no money. My sister lived off them for 20 years despite being married, cars, loans , holidays you name it, trouble with men, debt collectors eviction etc. Sun shines out of her arse.

My mum just phoned me from Tesco to see how Iam as I'm ill, my sister met someone a few years ago a real 40 year old virgin, not on good money but suddenly she has a few bob, being big licks with my mum now, presents, a few trips here and there.

She has also forgotten all I did for her, sorting out fellas and giving her money, taking her kid away you name it.

She has just given my mum her old 49" telly, and probably loads of other shite too, the problem for her unfortunately is I have bought my mum a brand new 50" tv. Off to buy some shite presents then I will bring the telly from the van on Xmas day. Fuck you.

Alternatively, give your Ma a box of chocolates amd keep the telly yourself?

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

Alternatively, give your Ma a box of chocolates amd keep the telly yourself?

Hmmm

[Elite]

Uh oh.

 

Could be an eventful Christmas day......

At least there will be no problems with tv show clashes.

[Harry Squatter]

Boring cunts who go the same place year after year on holiday because they've got no sense of adventure. They lord it over other people because they know the hotel staff or know the best place to buy ciggies or to get 0.01% better exchange rate on their euros.

[VladimirIlyich]

Boring cunts who go the same place year after year on holiday because they've got no sense of adventure. They lord it over other people because they know the hotel staff or know the best place to buy ciggies or to get 0.01% better exchange rate on their euros.

I don't see a problem with going to the same place(as long as its abroad) if you know you will have a good time and not having to risk a hotel from hell. If its a caravan in Rhyl though thats for cunts.

[Evelyn Tentions]

Boring cunts who go the same place year after year on holiday because they've got no sense of adventure. They lord it over other people because they know the hotel staff or know the best place to buy ciggies or to get 0.01% better exchange rate on their euros.

Who travel to unusual and exotic locations to eat Pizzas and Macdonalds.

[The Golden Eel]

People who don't have their card/money ready when paying at the till. Fucking empty heads

I used to work in Mcdonalds and you'd get people sitting in the drive through queue for 5-10 minutes and when they get to the window to order they start asking everyone in the car what they want, including kids, then faff around for their money, etc. It's like it came as a last minute surprise that they were at Mcdonalds when they reached the window to order.

[Tony Moanero]

I had lots of Stars Wars figures but my parents would only let me have two Stormtroopers when I wanted at least twenty of them. It still freaks my nut out to this day.

[sir roger]

I had lots of Stars Wars figures but my parents would only let me have two Stormtroopers when I wanted at least twenty of them. It still freaks my nut out to this day.

 

I am surprised you have managed to put your outrage at Bourbons being number 6 in Channel 5's ' Britain's favourite biscuit ' to one side, to post , Tony.

 

Full list

 

Chocolate Digestive

Chocolate HobNob

Jammie Dodger

Custard Cream

Shortbread

B***bon

Jaffa Cake

Ginger Nut

Digestive

Wagon Wheel.

[Tony Moanero]

Fuck's sake, sir roger, you could have used spoiler tags.

 

I wanted to watch that, when was it on?

[sir roger]

Fuck's sake, sir roger, you could have used spoiler tags.

 

I wanted to watch that, when was it on?

Sorry Tony I just assumed you would have watched it avidly. It was on Tuesday night on C5

 

It is repeated on My5 on Xmas Day at 20.30 pm

[Remmie]

My phone autocorrected Santa to Santander

[Dougie Do'ins]

Cold bathrooms.

 

Why is it the bathroom always feels like it's sub fucking zero.

[PestiRed]

My phone autocorrected Santa to Santander

There’s something hugely symbolic about banks and capitalism in that

[General Dryness]

My phone autocorrected Santa to Santander

Your phone is just keepin' it Real.

[Remmie]

There’s something hugely symbolic about banks and capitalism in that

The fact that I'm whingeing about an autocorrect not being correct is probably also massively symbolic!

[Champ]

Cold bathrooms.

 

Why is it the bathroom always feels like it's sub fucking zero.

Good one. We've recently been moved to new city centre offices. The move suits me pretty well (we'll not dwell on those who have whinged incessantly for months about every perceived downside to the move) but the one thing that really distresses me is the temperature of the loo seats in the new place in the middle of the night. Just the thought of them makes me want to weep

[VladimirIlyich]

Cold bathrooms.

 

Why is it the bathroom always feels like it's sub fucking zero.

You've stolen my excuse for when my missus laughs at my shrivelled up genitals.

[Carvalho Diablo]

My phone autocorrected Santa to Santander

 

A couple of months ago I sent a text to a mate saying I LIKE THE CUT OF YOUR GIB. It autocorrected to I LIKE THE CUNT OF YOUR GIN.

 

It seems that my phone knows me rather to well.