Dec 1: Matt Le Tissier reckons we’ll need to pay £50m for Van Dijk, and has a little jibe about all the money we’ve given the Saints. “What happens is that Liverpool pay us loads of money for players and then we take a bit of that money and give it to Celtic. It’s a nice little circle! So far, the arrangement has worked well. Liverpool have given us over £100 million over the last three seasons and they still couldn’t finish above us last season!”
In other, entirely unrelated news today we’re being linked with a £20m move for Celtic’s Moussa Dembele. Should have kept your big mouth shut Matt.
Meanwhile, Koeman has to change his Christmas tree after the Bitters saw a picture of it on twitter and went mental because there was red on it. Big Red Ron then posted up a pic of his new tree that was completely free of any red and he laughed the whole thing off, but the question here is did he know? I reckon he did, he’s been antagonising the shit out of them for weeks and he’s been there nearly six months now, so he’ll know what bad cranks they are. Hell, he’ll have known that after six seconds.
Dec 2: Well here’s one out of left field. Michael Beale is quitting the u23 job to join Sao Paolo. Good for him, you’ve got to admire him for leaving his comfort zone to try something different. He’s done a good job here but his departure now conveniently creates an opening for you know who. It’s going to look pretty bad if he doesn’t get it though isn’t it?
Dec 3: Klopp finally admits what has been obvious since the summer and says that Sakho isn’t in his plans and will be sold in January. It’s a shame, I like Sakho but it’s difficult to mount any kind of argument against this. He brought it on himself and the players who are ahead of him in the pecking order have all done well.
We don’t need him, and just need to get as much as we can for him and invest it in another forward, but if you were Sakho why would you just jump at whoever makes an offer in January? If I’m him I’d go on loan somewhere and then see what options there are in the summer. I doubt there’ll be many takers in January given his high salary and the fee we’d want for him.
Dec 4: Bournemouth 4 L 3 Hello darkness my old friend, we’ve gone and shit the bed again. I really thought this kind of embarrassing, spineless capitulation was a thing of the past, but obviously not. This could be so damaging to us come May, as these three points were in the bag but we ended up with nothing. Careless bastards, there's just no excuse for this at all.
Dec 5: Klopp flies the players out to Barcelona for a couple of days break, where they will watch Suarez and & play a CL game on Tuesday. Not sure where I stand on this, as the meathead in me thinks they should be made to stay here and do extra training as punishment for yesterday.
Then again, for those who used to play with Suarez this is punishment. “Hey look lads, remember when he used to play with you but then fucked off because you didn’t win the league. Look at him now, winning things and shit”. Honestly I'd rather be here than Barcelona, I wouldn't go even if you paid me to.
In other news, Stevie does the cup draw and gets us a nice home tie with either Newport or Plymouth. Good lad, now about the under 23s job….
Dec 6: Loads of photos of Klopp and the players at Camp Nou watching Barca. Klopp was all smiles as always, but most of the players looked miserable and bored off their tits, which made me feel strangely better. Don’t get me wrong, seeing them laughing and joking wouldn’t have bothered me in the least, but I liked what I saw because it looked like they were all business and just wanted to get back home to put things right.
At least Coutinho never got to go, those cheeky bastards would probably have put him in his own private box just so they could tap him up.
Dec 7: Some talk that Matip might go back on his decision to not play in the African Nations, which got me like...
After Sunday's shambles, Klopp needs to have a word with him and ensure that doesn’t happen. Handcuff him to the goalposts at Melwood if necessary, but keep that big cool unflappable bastard as far away from Cameroon as possible.
Meanwhile, Sturridge STILL hasn’t returned to training after his ‘tight calf’. What is it with this fucker. He’s fit and available when we don’t need him, but as soon as we do he’s sidelined for weeks with what was initially reported as a minor injury. He has his own little winter break every fucking year. It does my head in because he’s fucking boss and the bench looks shite without him.
Dec 8: Ha! Mad Mario is at it again. “If I had a good year, without getting injured and staying focused, I think it's not impossible for me to win the golden ball." Mate, turn it in. Golden ball??? You’ve got more chance of winning the golden ticket and getting a trip to Willie Wonka’s gaff.
He also said he plans on coming back to England, and when asked which club he said: ”For sure not Liverpool, because I find myself very bad in Liverpool. I said the team was good and the fans are amazing, but I would never go back to Liverpool. The first one I think in England is Manchester City, and the second team I always like is Arsenal.” Amazing, he still genuinely believes that he’s in a position to pick and choose where he goes because he’d have his choice of clubs.
This is just like when I read a thread on the forum where you lot are talking about which Spice Girls you wouldn’t bang. "Posh Spice is too skinny". "Ginger is too rough looking" "Sporty Spice is a dog, and besides, she promotes the S*n" "Scary Spice can fuck off because I'm not having Eddie Murphy's sloppy seconds"... Must be some right handsome bastards with supermodel birds on here is all I can think. Either that or you're as delusional as Balotelli!
Dec 9: Karius does an interview in the Mail and has a pop at Neville. Never mind the fact that Carra was more scathing of him than Neville was, he’s not taking on Carra but by having a go at Neville he maybe thinks that will earn him some brownie points with us. I’m sure it has with a lot of fans, but personally I just wish he’d taken the high ground and said “I should have done better at Bournemouth so I expect criticism, it’s no problem”.
Neville hit back at him on Twitter and this whole thing is just fucking stupid. Much as it pains me to admit, Neville hasn’t done anything wrong in this case and while some probably think it’s great that one of our players has taken a swipe at his management career, I just think he’s an idiot who has put himself under even more pressure now. Just do your job and let your performances speak for you. If you do that, neither Neville, Carra or anybody else will be able to criticise you. Simple as that. It’s just not worth putting the big bullseye on your back.
Not that Klopp is helping matters. I’m all for supporting his keeper, but his response to Steve Cook’s comments about how they targeted Karius as a weak link was just a little over the top, don’t you think? “That’s one of the worst things I ever heard in life”. Fucking hell Kloppo!! One of the worst things you’ve heard in life? Clearly you’re not familiar with the work of Ed Sheeran, or listened to Trevor Francis commentating.
Dec 10: Arbeloa says Gerrard was better than Zidane. I agree, but obviously I’m biased because 1) I’m a Red and 2) I never thought Zidane was as amazing as everyone else seemed to think. Arbeloa’s opinion carries far more weight than mine, but he’s no less biased than me considering it was Zidane who didn’t renew his contract at Madrid and now he’s ended up at fucking West Ham because of it. He’d probably say Voronin was better than Zidane too if you asked him that question right now. In other news, Matip won’t be going to the African Nations, which got me like…
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Dec 11: L 2 West Ham 2 Fucks sake, it’s all going wrong just when we’d finally started to believe. Seven points dropped from the last 12 and we haven’t even played anyone decent in that time. 2016/17 Liverpool is starting to look an awful lot like 2015/16 Liverpool. Except for the keeper, he’s much worse. Drop him immediately, I'm not arsed if it "proves Gary Neville right", just get him out of the team before he does any more damage.
His positioning on that Payet free kick was even worse than his sorry arse attempt at keeping it out. Neville will have been laughing his tiny little cock off as he’s won their little spat hands down. This was inevitable as soon as he shot his mouth off the other day.
Dec 12: Oh God. Klopp goes off on one about the Nevilles. I watched this live on LFCTV and I was just shaking my head and squirming. What’s he doing? What’s the end game here? I don’t see how there’s anything to be gained from this at all. The Nevilles haven’t said anything that most of our own fans have been saying about Karius, and they’ve certainly not been any more scathing than Carra and some of our other former players. But here’s the thing, even if they had, so fucking what?
They’re pundits, they’re paid to watch games and talk about what they’ve seen, and if they - or anyone else - see Karius do some of the things he’s done and they don’t criticise him then they’re not doing their jobs. I don’t see the problem here at all. Klopp’s being far too sensitive over this shit. “They used to be players but they’ve forgotten what it’s like to be criticised”. Errr, no they haven’t, but they’re doing a different job now, that’s all.
Fuck me, can you remember the absolute caning Phil Neville got after giving a penalty away (against Sweden I think?) in a major tournament? He got dogs abuse for months, years even in some cases, but he made a mistake and rightly or wrongly that’s what happens. I don’t remember him crying about it, because it’s part of the job and they’re compensated handsomely. Carra had people writing him off for a large part of of his career, but the only time he ever really took exception to anything was when it was personal, like Adrian Durham calling him a bottler.
You expect criticism when you make mistakes and you just accept it. This went way beyond defending his player, it just made him look like…like… ok I’ll say it. This made him look like Mourinho.
Meanwhile, the u23s beat Arsenal at Anfield tonight. Joe Gomez looked great in the half that he played, Harry Wilson scored twice (14 on the season for him now) and Ojo got one as well. I couldn’t help but feel a bit for Sakho though, as the last time he played at Anfield he was scoring against the Blueshite (a week after scoring against Dortmund). It’s been quite the fall from grace for him, but I have to give him a lot of credit for how he’s handled his ‘demotion’.
A lot of players just wouldn’t be arsed with the under 23s, but Sakho has embraced it. He seems to get on well with all the young lads and doesn’t act like he’s too good to be playing and training with them. He’s a great fella and I’ve got a lot of time for him. That’s not to say I disagree with Klopp’s stance on him though.
Dec 13: The Arse lose at the Pit after a typical Arsenal “don’t fancy this” performance. It’s a good result for us for two reasons. Firstly, Arsenal lost, which is self explanatory. But secondly, Everton won, which will raise their spirits ahead of next week’s derby. Why is that a good thing you ask? Because Everton are at their most vulnerable in derby games when they go into it fancying themselves a bit.
Dec 14: Boro 0 L 3 Made up with this as I was fearing the worst after what’s been happening to us recently. We needed a win like this to steady the ship and it was never really in doubt as this was a good, dominant performance from the first whistle. The second half was especially impressive, and the recalled Mignolet had nothing to do after the break. He had been tested in the first half a couple of times and he came through it well.
It was a big decision by Klopp to drop Karius after the way he publicly went to bat for him the other day, but it was the right call. Some managers would have been stubborn about it, to the detriment of the team, so Klopp deserves a lot of credit for this, as does Mignolet who was under a pretty fucking bright spotlight tonight but dealt with it well.
Dec 15: The bagpipe cunt who often appears outside Anfield has been convicted of fraud after pocketing cash that people thought was going to the Justice Campaign. Is it bad that I’m less bothered by that and still hate him more for the damage he’s done to my eardrums over the years? The bastard would just come and stand yards from where I sold the mag, and then start with the screeching, strangled cat sounding shite. I hate bagpipes, it’s the worst sound in the world, other than an Ed Sheeran song. They should throw the key away on this twat, even without the whole fraud thing. At least if he shows up at Anfield again I can lamp him and use the fraud thing as my justification for it.
Meanwhile, Klopp will be delighted to know he’s got Phil Neville’s seal of approval in dropping Karius. “My advice wasn’t that this goalkeeper was no good. The decision to take him out the firing line was the right one. Karius is a young goalkeeper. He will bounce back.” Wait wait wait… his advice?? ADVICE??? Ok I take back everything I said, I was under the impression he was offering an opinion, but in fact he was handing out advice. To Jurgen Klopp. Are you fucking kidding me?
Dec 16: Wait, Chelsea are complaining a out the money being thrown around by Chinese clubs and say it’s a danger to football? I… I… I mean where to even fucking start? Given that most of the China money seems to be going directly in the Stamford Bridge coffers for players they don’t even want, I really don’t see what they have to be worried about. Only a matter of time before Jon Obi Mikel lands a £50m move over there.
Dec 17: Headline in the Echo about how “Karius can look to De Gea for inspiration”. Boss the way every goalkeeper who struggles gets compared to De Gea in his first season isn't it? How many have actually bounced back to become as good as De Gea? None. So how come the comparison is always De Gea and not Massimo Taibi? This is like when people clutch the draw of "Remember how long it took Henry and Pires to settle" whenever they’ve signed a foreign player and he sucks balls.
Dec 18: Deli Alli says he was supposed to be introduced to Gerrard when we were trying to sign him but it never happened because Stevie was asleep and no-one wanted to wake him. So now every news outlet goes big on that story, with some even hinting that was why we didn’t sign him. No doubt the fucking goon who changed the bid to MK Dons to try and lowball them, thus scuppering the whole thing, is lapping this up.
Still, at least that’s more “newsworthy” than some of the shit I see on newsnow today. As an example, at least half a dozen websites have run a story on Lovren getting a new sleeve tattoo. I mean fucking hell, this is almost as bad as the other week when we were subjected to Karius getting a haircut. The Echo are the worst for it too, which pains me greatly as that's the paper I grew up reading every day and it was a big part of my life for years, especially the Pink.
Dec 19: Everton 0 L 1 Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Beating them 4-0 is great and all, but there’s an awful lot to be said for a stoppage time winner isn’t there? We deserved it even though we were nowhere near our best level. They were all full of piss and vinegar to start with, but once they ran out of gas after 20 minutes this was one way traffic. The were scared to even come out of their own half after that and if we’d been at our normal level we’d have absolutely humiliated them.
We just didn't play well in attack, but the midfield and defenders were great. Koeman came out with all manner of shite afterwards about what they did and didn't deserve and how they were "unlucky". Let's get it right, they deserved nothing form the game but the "unlucky" comment is somewhat apt as it allows me to post this again, and I'll never tire of posting this...
Dec 20: Quincy Promes? Never heard of him but if he’s quick, scores goals and can play wide then get him in, because we’re gonna have a huge Mané shaped hole in our attack soon.
Dec 21: Bizarre comment from Firmino today: ”Sometimes people see you as skinny and then they think 'he is not a strong player', but what matters is what you feel and what you do inside the pitch.” Wait, who sees him as skinny? He showed up for pre-season looking like a fat lesbian, and although he’s in good shape now you’d hardly call him skinny. Matip is skinny, Crouchy is skinny, but they're a dying breed as generally these days you don’t get skinny footy players anymore as they’re all grocked up from all the time they spend in the gym. There's no fatties either anymore, not since Lampard retired.
Dec 22: Oh no!! Pardew sacked. A sad day for the Premier League as touchlines are just not going to be as lively now. Say what you like about him, but just google “Alan Pardew gifs” and then tell me that we’re better off with him out of work. Here's some of my favourite Pardew moments....
and of course this, which I still can't believe actually happened....
Goodnight sweet Prince...
Dec 23: Chelsea confirm Oscar is off to China for £60m. I was going to make a joke about “if you think this is dodgy, wait until they buy him back for £10m in 18 months” but I’m not going to. You know why? Because Oscar is fucking shit that’s why. There’s no way they’d buy him back because he’s an over-rated, chinless fucking dweeb. I’ve always hated him and now I hate him even more, because of how much this deal stinks.
I don’t know the exact angle or what they’re up to, but Chelsea’s transfer dealings over recent years need investigating, because there’s simply no way they’re receiving the kind of transfer fees they are claiming. I sort of get why the Chinese are paying Oscar such stupid money as they need to do that to get him over there. But why did they need to pay Chelsea £60m for a player they don’t want and who isn’t in their team? Are you trying to tell me that they wouldn’t have accepted £20m for him? So why pay £60m? Dodgy cunts.
Speaking of which, Fat Sam has got the Palace job. That was quick wasn’t it? If I didn’t know better I’d think his slimeball representative has been in the ear of the Palace board for weeks.
Dec 24: Inter reckon they’re in with a chance of signing Lucas on loan, with a view to a permanent deal in the summer. So many layers to this, and so many reasons why it shouldn’t happen. From the club’s perspective, why the hell would we let him leave for no fee? Maybe they would stump up the cash in the summer, but these Italian clubs are basically freeloading tight bastards these days, always looking for handouts from the Premier League.
Lucas is a valuable squad player and his experience is useful to have around. There’s no reason whatsoever to loan him out. That said, if Lucas wants to go then that changes things. He could have gone in the summer but Klopp blocked it because he needed him. He’s been here a long time and has earned the right to leave if he wants, but why would he? He’s been here through some shitty times, so why walk out when we’re in a title race? Stay here and try and get a medal lad, you deserve it.
Dec 25: Merry Crimbo!
Dec 26: Firmino is charged with drink driving. What an absolute cock, there’s no excuse for anybody doing it, but it’s even worse when it’s a millionaire footballer. Honestly, I’m being deadly seriously here, if I had that kind of money I’d never drive anywhere, I’d be styling’ and profilin’ and limousine riding’ like Ric Flair.
Dec 27: L 4 Stoke 1 Hands up who thought we were throwing more points away when we went 1-0 down? *puts hands up* It was easy in the end, and we seem to have gotten over that little wobble we had a week or two ago. Famous last words there.
Dec 28: Carra says we should sign Joe Hart. Why, just because he'd make us feel less nervous than Karius? Well if that's the only criteria we might as well sign Bret 'the Hitman' Hart, or his brother in law and former tag team partner Jim 'the Anvil' Neidhart, and he’s dead. I’d probably take either of them over Karius right now.
Meanwhile, Suso - remember him? - reckons he’s good enough to play for Real or Barca. He never was short of self confidence like, I remember once he retweeted something I said about him having a great game in the Europa League. That was a red flag for me, for two reasons. Firstly, anyone who retweets stuff about how great they is obviously a bit of a tit.
Secondly, he wasn’t even following me so the only way he could have even seen it was by searching his own name, which makes it even worse. He’s finally started to deliver on his potential this year and I read something the other day suggesting that he’s now Milan’s best player. Made up for him, I was always a massive Suso fan and it surprised me that he didn’t get more opportunities here, and even more so that his career seemed to drift when he left. In terms of technique, he’s one of the most talented players we’ve had in years, but he just never seemed to be able to put it all together. Looks like he’s doing it now, so good for him.
Dec 29: Oh look, the Oxlade-Chamberlain to Liverpool rumours have started again. Obviously someone is trying to get a new contract out of Arsenal. Why on earth would we want to sign a lad with an injury record on a par with Sturridge? Besides, he’s not that good anyway, he’s just Diet Walcott.
Dec 30: Klopp usually doesn’t comment on transfer rumours but even he was suitably annoyed by the Oxlade-Chemberlain story to dismiss it as “nonsense”. He didn’t use the “Diet Walcott” comparison though, which is a shame.
Meanwhile, Carlos Tevez is the latest to go to China and he’s now the world’s highest paid player on 650k a week. In fairness, if Oscar is getting 400k then Tevez should be getting more because he’s miles better than him. The Chinese also want Clattenberg, and presumably he’ll be demanding £1m a week based on the above, as he’s way better at his job than either of those two. Can’t we keep Clatts and send them Kevin Friend and Lee Mason instead?
Dec 31: L 1 Man City 0 Get the fuck in!! Brilliant defensive performance, as good as I can remember in a long, long time. It was virtually flawless actually, the back four were all brilliant and Wijnaldum was tremendous in his defensive work too. Going forward it wasn’t great as we blew so many good counter attacking opportunities, but it didn’t matter because City never looked like scoring. A great way to end the year.
Until next time then….
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