What the hell is going on at City? Have they just got fat and lazy after winning the title? There’s an excuse for us to be suffering a hangover from last season as we suffered double heartbreak when we lost the title and then our best player. They won the fucking thing but they seem to be as messed up as we are and it’s only the brilliance of Aguero that’s kept them afloat really. Take him away and they’d probably be below us. They’ve won only six of 15 competitive games so far this season. No excuse for that really.
They were well beaten by West Ham on Saturday and then lost to Newcastle in the League Cup. Throw in their now customary Champions League struggles and you’d have to say they’re a bit of a mess right now. It’s not even like they’ve got loads of players missing through injury either, the bunch of mercenary shitbirds. Why couldn’t they have been this shit last season eh? No, they turn on the style to stop us winning the title, but when it’s Chelsea that’s up there they go missing.
West Ham though, they’re looking good right now and they’re a real handful in attack this season. Valencia and Sakho have been great so far and it’s bordering on criminal how they were allowed to get Alex Song when he’d walk into most teams in this league, including ours. What possible reason is there why we shouldn’t have been all over that deal? And for that matter why were Arsenal not in there for him? What am I missing?
Amalfitano tapped in the opener after a good break by Valencia but City fought back and both Aguero and Toure hit the bar before Sakho headed in for 2-0 against the run of play. On first viewing it looked like Hart had made a phenomenal save but the goal line technology did it’s job. That’s been an unqualified success so far. If that had been in use years ago Everton would probably still be bumming around in the lower leagues after being relegated in 1997, Kenny would not have lost his job after winning two cups in 2012 (plus Andy Carroll’s name would be in Liverpool folklore after single handedly turning the game around against Chelsea) and we wouldn’t have to listen to West Ham fans boring the arse off everyone about how they "won the World Cup".
Sunderland shot themselves in the foot again this week with more defensive howlers, but at least it only cost them two goals this time. Wes Brown’s fluffed backpass sent Suare.. err I mean Sanchez clean through and he finished in style. He got an even easier second in stoppage time when one of their defenders needlessly rolled the ball to Big Vito who clearly didn’t want it, and he got his feet in a tangle, fell over and left Sanchez with an open goal. Just awful from Sunderland and their under fire keeper. Vito Mannone? More like Vito Marone! (that’s one for any Sopranos fans reading).
One other thing I noticed is that not only is that Vergini lad really terrible, he’s got a weird running style that looks like he’s desperately holding in a poo. We’ve all been there, when the turtle’s head is trying to get out and you’re trying equally hard to force him back in whilst trying to move as fast as possible to reach the nearest toilet. It’s a terribly difficult balancing act as the more clinch pressure you apply the slower you have to run. And the quicker you run the less control you have over Donatello as he makes his break for freedom. Striking the right balance is the key to ensure you don’t shit yourself.
Swiftly moving on, and Palace and West Brom played out an entertaining, not to mention controversial, 2-2 draw at the Hawthorns. Haageland’s scruffy close range volley gave Palace an early advantage and a dodgy penalty decision allowed Jedinak to make it 2-0 from the spot. Zaha was denied a stonewall pen when Clattenberg waved it away despite having the best view in the stadium. The ref's day got worse when Anichebe pulled one back despite Speroni getting laid out by an elbow from Dawson. The keeper was unable to carry on and it was incredibly poor from Clattenberg to not see that. Still not the worst decision he made this week though. Ed Sheeran? Really?
Palace looked like they would hold on for the win but deep into stoppage time Anichebe was fouled and Berahino buried the pen to get them a point. Neil Warnock was predictably pissed off, which always makes for a great post match interview. “He’s had a great game has Mark, he’s just got a couple of big ones wrong.” Staying with Warnock (and here’s another treat for Sopranos fans too) how fucking ace is this vine…
Fucking Southampton won again, edging out Stoke thanks to a solitary first half strike by Mane. They also beat Stoke in the cup in midweek too and are having an incredible run. They're the cockroaches of the Premier League. If a meteor hit the earth and wiped everyone out, Southampton would be the only ones left, the indestructible bastards.
Swansea beat Leicester 2-0. Bony got both and was terrific. So was Sigurdsson, he’s a proper footballer him and I don’t know why it never worked out at Spurs because he seems like just the kind of player they love.
Onto Sunday now, and the love in between the two managers ahead of United v Chelsea was sickening. Van Gaal might be the only manager left in the league that doesn’t think Mourinho is an absolute bellend. Mourinho was wearing a stupid scarf that made him look like some kind of Primark Roberto Mancini. Why was he wearing that anyway? Probably covering up beefies he'd given himself with the hoover. He defo looks the type.
Fellaini was back in the United side and was throwing elbows as usual. And getting away with them, as usual. What’s it going to take before he’s sent off and suspended for this shit? He’s going to have to "Gary Mabbutt" some poor bastard I reckon before anything is done. Phil Dowd had a shocker though. Chris Smalling got away with a “Rock Bottom” on Ivanovic in the penalty area, while a couple of yards away one of his team-mates had Mongo in a “sleeper hold”.
Drogba headed Chelsea in front with a near post header from a corner. Rafael was marking him. I’m not even sure we’d do something that stupid. Actually yeah I am, we defo would and probably have. De Gea kept United in the game until Ivanovic was sent off (for two incredibly harsh yellow cards) and Van Persie equalised right at the end, sparking scenes of wild jubilation. Wasn’t that long ago they’d have been disappointed at being held to a draw at home by anyone, now their partying like it’s 1999. How the mighty have fallen, eh?
Van Gaal was once again talking gibberish in his post match interview: “I am not pleased, because I have still the feeling that we could have win today and that we don’t take our opportunities at the right moment” Ok, I can’t work out if his English is just crap or if he’s a bit of a thicko. I’m guessing he’s thick as everyone in Holland speaks better English than I do. Except Butthead.
Still, at least he’s not Mourinho. He reverted to form after this one. He’s fine when they’re winning but the minute something goes against him the whining starts. “Did you agree with the second yellow for Ivanovic, Jose?” “I don’t want to talk about it, because if I have to speak about ze second yellow card I have to speak about lots of sings, and I don’t want to speak to about lots of sings. I don’t want to speak about ze penalty on Ivanovic.. I don’t want to speak about accumulation of yellow cards… I don’t want to speak about fouls…. even throw ins. I don’t want to speak because I would speak too much”. So, you don’t want to speak about the penalty you didn’t get, the yellow cards you did get, or fouls, throw ins etc. And yet look, you just fucking did you massive helmet.
Elsewhere on Sunday, Newcastle won at White Hart Lane after going a goal down early doors. I don’t think anyone saw that coming, except Pards of course, the most irrationally confident guy in the Premier League. I don’t know who the result says more about though. Credit to Newcastle and all that, but Spurs really can’t be losing games like this, especially after taking an early lead through Adebayor.
They gave away a goal eight seconds after the restart when substitute Sami Ameobi made a spectacular entrance by running in behind Dier to score. Some Spanish striker I’d never heard of headed the winner and Spurs are eight points worse off than they were this time last year. Strange times at White Hart Lane.
It was interesting seeing the analysis of the first half from Jermaine Jenas on MOTD2. Jenas of course knows a thing or two about crap football and considering the glaring examples of shitness he showed from Newcastle’s defence it’s amazing they only conceded one. Hopefully they’ll be as bad this weekend and we can take advantage of that.
I admire how considerate Newcastle are when it comes to their fans though. They kept Shola around for ten years just because the fans loved that “Hokey Cokey” song, and when he eventually left they made sure his kid brother was there to take up the torch. Could we not have done that and signed that Dennis Suarez lad from Barca? Or anyone called Garcia or Piechnik for that matter? Inconsiderate bastards.
Last thought on this one, I really don’t like Harry Kane’s face, he puts me in mind of a really bad drawing of Peter Crouch.
Finally on Sunday, Everton won 3-1 at Burnley. Eto’o scored twice and Martinez described him as a “gift from the football Gods” He’s been having around with drama queen Bill too much I’d say.Monday night football was real box office this week. QPR versus Aston Villa, that’s one to get the pulse rating. ‘Arry’s boys ran out comfortable 2-0 winners thanks to a brace by Charlie Austin. Two proper striker’s finishes they were, and I may have to rethink my “QPR are the worst team in the league” stance. Villa have lost five on the bounce since beating us while Burnley are completely hopeless.
Staying with QPR, Ferdinand has been banned for three games for something he said on twitter. I hadn’t been following this but I do remember he called Ashley Cole a ‘Choc Ice’ a couple of years ago and only got fined for that. For him to get a three game ban he must have done something pretty bad like, so I consulted my old pal google to get to the bottom of it and was a little disappointed.
Someone made a relatively harmless jibe about QPR desperately needing a good centre half and he responded by going down the “your mums a slag” route, tweeting: “get yer mum in, plays the field well son! #sket” Bit of an over reaction, and if he’s going down that route surely a simple “yer ma” would have sufficed and probably kept him out of trouble.
I’d never even heard the word ‘sket’ but apparently it’s just another word for slag or slut. Is that really worthy of a three game ban though? Normally I’d say no, but as this one had a hashtag in front of it I’d say Rio got off fairly lightly.The bad news for Ferdinand is he misses games with Chelsea, Man City and Newcastle. The good news for QPR is that he misses games with Chelsea, Man City and Newcastle.
Dave
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