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Premier League Round Up (Nov 4-5 2017)

Most of the interesting games were on the Sunday but Saturday wasn't lacking in entertainment. The best game came at the stadium formerly known as the Britannia where Leicester and Stoke went at it hammer and tong. 
 
Iborra blasted in a loose ball to give Leicester the lead and they should have been at least three up before Shaqiri equalised. Nice finish from him, but Schmeichel made it easy for him by diving the wrong way. Poor that, it was obvious where Shaqiri was going to put it as his hips don’t lie. 
 
Mahrez - who was terrific - put Leicester ahead once more but Crouchy came off the bench to thump in an equaliser with his head. Have I mentioned before how much I love Peter Crouch? I have? Oh well, I’ll say it again anyway. I fucking love Peter Crouch. He said afterwards he wants to play until he's 40. This role he’s playing, where he comes on for the last 20 minutes, I reckon he can play until he’s 50. He was never quick and unlike most of us he's not having to battle to keep his weight down as he gets older,  probably because of the ciggies. 
 
Bobby Madley was replaced by Jon Moss during the game. That’s like turning on the car radio and hearing an Ed Sheeran song on, immediately switching to another station only to hear a different fucking Ed Sheeran song. 
 
Glenn Murray scored the spawniest goal of the weekend as he took his eye off a delicious Knockaert cross only for the ball to hit his thigh and wrong foot the Swansea keeper. That proved to be the winner, although Swansea did the bar in stoppage time. 
 
They were awful though and Paul Clement isn't looking like the hot young coach he was last year. This is the kind of result and performance that makes you think they might go down. In fairness, it changes week to week as there are about eight teams who could go this year, probably even more. It’s pissing me off because all these fucking losers stinking it up are probably going to save Everton. Get your shit together you fucking knobheads. 
 
Huddersfield are doing their bit. They sit in mid table and beat West Brom on Saturday despite playing much of the game with only ten men. Van La Parra (whoever he is) curled in a beauty from 25 yards and although Schindler was sent off for two yellow cards they held on for the points. I’m desperately trying to think of a way to shoehorn a ‘Schindler’s list’ line in there but I got nothin’. 
 
James McLean was booked right at the end for a wild lunge at Ince. He then started yelling at him, saying he didn't touch him when he quite clearly did. As I said last week, he’s a knob and you don’t need to drag poppies into the argument to make that point. I mean, just look at his fucking face. That’s all you need. 
 
Moving on, and Newcastle peppered the Bournemouth goal early on but Begovic was in inspired form his week after looking like he was on the take a week earlier against his former employers Chelsea. The one time he was beaten the ball came back off the post and Dwight Gayle put away the rebound. The linesman flagged for offside and it didn’t stand, but it should have done as he was level with the last defender. It’s Dwight Gayle though, he shouldn’t get the benefit of the doubt as he’s a little shithouse with an offensive looking grid. 
 
The longer it went the more likely Bournemouth looked like winning it and right at the death Steve Cook headed in from a corner to give them the points. I don’t like him and all I can put it down to is he looks a bit like Tony Bellew. To be fair that’s probably as good a reason as any. 
 
Southampton played all the football but Burnley took all the points at St Mary’s after a late Sam Vokes winner. Chalk another one up for Herman Munster there though, who went down like a roll of lino for the goal. What a fucking phoney he is. He’ll be man of the match against us next week though and that will be enough to keep up this media narrative that he’s good. He's shit. 
 
I said a few weeks back how all Burnley’s games end up 0-0, 1-0 or 0-1. I should start betting on under two goals every time they play as I'd make a fortune. They’re on the same points as us and Arsenal at the moment. They won’t keep up that pace but they will probably finish top half when you look at how shit most of the others are. Assuming Dyche stays of course. Which he should, because although he's done a great job there he’ll get found out if he leaves. He's basically this century's Dave Bassett. 
 
He's being heavily linked with the Blueshite, who looked like they were headed for another demoralising defeat on Sunday when they fell 2-0 behind against Watford, but the Hornets brought some chump off the bench to replace Gomes, and he channeled his inner Hans Segers to let the Blues off the hook. 
 
Even after falling behind 3-2, Watford got a penalty in the 10th minute of stoppage time only for that fucking bum Cleverly put it wide. That’s the biggest contribution he’s ever made for Everton, even though he played for them for three years, the useless cunt. There are few more punchable faces in the Premier League than this little manc scrote. 
 
They were celebrating like they'd won a cup final but it was such a freak result as they were terrible and didn’t deserve anything. This win changes nothing, they’re still in deep shit for me and it's going to be a long season for them. 
 
The question is what do they do about it? Ideally they let Unsworth carry on. Worst case scenario is they give it to Fat Sam, who is as close to a guarantee of survival as there is. 
 
Apparently Steve Walsh wants Allardyce but Kenwright isn’t keen, on the basis of Sam being a dodgy cunt. Fair play, Bill. Funny thing is, Walsh is telling Moshiri that they need Allardyce to keep them up. How damning is that of his own work though? All those players he signed, and Fat Sam is the only manager capable of keeping them in the league? 
 
Also on Sunday, it was a case of after the Lord Mayor’s show for Spurs. In midweek they took on Zidane and Madrid, a few days later it was the Hodge and Palace. Unsurprisingly, they were a bit flat and Palace should have won. They didn’t take any of their numerous chances though and were made to pay when Son won it for Spurs in the second half. 
 
Sakho wanted a penalty after he got clumped around the head by the Spurs keeper, but the real crime here was Sakho closing his eyes and not going for the header because he was scared of getting hit. What a 'beast', eh? Imagine if that was Lovren? Just sayin’. 
 
City beat Arsenal but needed some favourable officiating to do it. They were all over the Gunners in the opening stages and took the lead through De Bruyne. Sterling was then awarded a penalty when he took a tumble, but not every collision is a foul and this was harsh. Aguero just about put the spot kick away via the post and at that point Arsenal looked ripe for a bumming.
 
They responded well and had a few chances before Lacazette eventually took one. Arsenal were pushing for an equaliser but were then undone by an offside goal by Jesus. It's hard enough taking on City but when you're up against the officials as well, forget it.   
 
Wenger called Sterling a diver afterwards. He is a diver, we’ve seen him do it when he was playing for us. He didn’t dive here though and it just made Wenger look like a bitter old fool. 
 
Sterling’s stats this year are great but he might be the most difficult player in the league to judge, because so much of what he does makes him look shite. He obviously isn’t shite, but he does a hell of an impression of someone who is. It's hard to describe what I mean exactly, but I look at Sane and think "he's fucking boss him" and yet Sterling is probably outperforming him. To me there's absolutely no comparison between the two though.  
 
The other big one on Sunday was at Stamford Bridge where Mourinho took his bus back to his old stomping ground. Chelsea were comfortably better than United and the 1-0 scoreline didn’t really reflect their superiority. The only goal was a glorious header by Morata, who looks like the player we hoped Morientes was going to be for us back in the day.
 
One goal in his last ten away games against the rest of the big six. That's a record you'd normally associate with Moyes. Of course he had his excuses after this one. He who doesn’t moan about injuries is now just continually moaning about injuries.
 
He's coming in for quite a bit of criticism now and he doesn't like it. Even some United fans are getting pissed off, and lo and behold this week the rumours start about him going to PSG because he's pissed off that United didn't let him buy Perisic. He's a good player, he even reached 'my boy' status in the last World Cup, but he's not the difference between United catching City or not, and besides, the fucking balls on this prick.
 
Only Mourinho could complain about a lack of backing after being allowed to assemble the most expensive squad in the history of the game. What a fucking helmet.
 
No wonder Conte didn't shake his hand afterwards. Every week I like him more and more, and the way he dismissed this tit afterwards was great. "It's not important. It's important to win the game. You have to have the respect on the pitch not outside the pitch." 

 

In other words, "I don't respect him so I'm not shaking the fuckers hand". Good for you, Antonio, good for you.


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There is a group of players I hate for no reason, and the way I struggled to create a pun with Schindler's name put him firmly into that group, hell, it put him at the top of the group so much that he pretty much now owns that list.

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Some great lines there , Dave

 

Just so you know in future, Rajiv Van La Parra is Gini Wijnaldum's half brother.

 

I knew Gini's half brother played for them, never twigged that's who it was though. He played against us but I never noticed him. Never noticed Gini much either until he scored!

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I knew Gini's half brother played for them, never twigged that's who it was though. He played against us but I never noticed him. Never noticed Gini much either until he scored!

 

As soon as I heard La Parra had scored I knew Huddersfield were at home.

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