Burnley had never come from behind to win a Premier League game under Sean Dyche. Enter Everton. This was funny as fuck. Burnley games never have more than two goals in them so when Everton had the lead at half time it looked like they’d get a point at least.
Instead Burnley came firing back in the second half and goals from Barnes and Wood gave them the win. Pickford made a load of saves but he was fucking terrible on both goals. He gets away with murder him. Makes a few saves and he’s the golden boy of goalkeeping, but look at the goals he lets in.
Fucking hell, our keepers get murdered for far less than that, and rightly so because they play for us and are judged to a higher standard. The point is though, Pickford seems bulletproof and his reputation doesn’t seem to be harmed no matter how many terrible goals he concedes. The Blues were chanting “England’s number one” at him, and it couldn’t have been ironic because they aren’t smart enough to do irony.
To compound Everton’s misery, Ashley Williams was sent off for swinging an arm. Bit harsh I thought, although he is such a bad snide cunt he probably deserved it anyway. Horrible bastard him.
Ashley Barnes is as Burnley as it gets. Their club crest should just be a picture of his face. Let’s face it, anything would be better than the weird thing they have now, that looks like it was designed on a ZX Spectrum.
The travelling Blues let Big Sam have it afterwards, chanting “Fuck off Sam Allardyce” and “you’re just a fat greedy bastard”. Bit harsh like, those wins he got when he first arrived are probably the only thing that will keep them up, the ungrateful bastards.
Tell you what though, when you look at their fixtures the next two games are fucking massive. Brighton at home and then a trip to Stoke. If they were to lose both or maybe just pick up one point, they’re in real trouble because after that it’s City and us.
Fair play to Theo Walcott, who somehow managed to leap out of the frying pan and into a fucking erupting volcano.
Spurs had a routine win over Huddersfield that saw them go fourth. Son got both goals and Spurs probably should have won by at least five. They got turned over by Juve though, hilariously. I called that after the first leg when everyone was lining up to toss their salad. Fuck Spurs. Sick of them and the over the top praise they get.
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. But that was nothing compared to Moussa Dembele convincing people he’s a great player. He’s great at one thing - gliding past people and shrugging them aside in the middle of the park - but he literally does fuck all else. Total one trick pony. Doesn’t score. Doesn’t create. Isn’t a great defensive player.
Massive fucking under-achiever he is. Should be one of the most dominant players in the league but, contrary to what some would have you believe, he isn’t. Imagine if Wee Joe had Dembele's physical attributes.
My boy Troy got the only goal of the game as Watford beat sorry West Brom at Vicarage Road. Johnny Evans did exactly the same thing he did last week and tried to step out and play offside. Obviously doesn’t learn from his mistakes that cunt. Cabbies in the West Midlands beware.
Elsewhere, Bournemouth got a penalty that was fucking scandalous, yet Leicester’s players didn’t appeal and the commentator made nothing of it. Can’t be just me who thought that was a shocker? King just planted his leg over the ball and into the path of Albrighton, who went flying over the striker’s leg. It was a clear free-kick the other way, yet Lee Probert gave a pen, which King converted. He then ignored a blatant pen when N’Didi shoved Daniels over, so they balanced themselves out there I suppose.
Iheanacho played but did nothing again. He hasn’t scored a goal all season. It’s mad when you think where he was not so long ago, one of the mostly highly rated kids in the league. City buying Gabriel Jesus has proper killed his career. I don’t even know if he’s any good. Next year is a big one for him.
Leicester had their chances but it didn’t look like it was going to happen for them until Mahrez leathered in a 'Gary Mac at the Pit' style free-kick in the dying seconds of stoppage time.
Two of the bottom three met as Stoke travelled to Southampton. Shaqiri and Diouf got in a slanging match after they blew a two v one break. Diouf was angry the ball wasn’t played into space ahead of him but the problem was he wasn’t even looking and when the pass was played he just fell over. It was a bad day for Diouf. He was being a smart arse winding up Hoedt and was caught on camera stamping on his foot and then swinging an arm at him.
Soon after he went for a header and Hoedt just fucking cleaned him out, leaving him in a heap on the floor with what looked like a broken wrist. Bet Shaqiri was pissing himself.
If I was Shaqiri I’d never pass to the useless fuck ever again. In fact, if I was Shaqiri I’d be telling my agent to get me the fuck out of dodge, as he’s so much better than everyone else at that club (except Wee Joe and Crouchy). Is there another player in th eleague that superior to his team-mates? De Gea, obviously, but other than that?
Southampton wasted some great chances and that’s their problem really. All their forwards are shit. Except my boy Gabbiadini, who’s always injured. I quite like Redmond but he’s had a really disappointing season. I don’t think he’s ever recovered from Guardiola yelling compliments at him.
Meanwhile, Swansea’s revival under Carvalhal continued as they thumped West Ham, who are now right back in the shit and are only three points clear of the relegation places. They’ve lost Winston Reid too who was carried off with a bad looking injury and might be done for the season.
Ki got the opener with a low drive from 25 yards that crept in the far corner. Adrian might feel he should have done better on that, although it was well placed. Van Der Hoorn headed the second from a corner and Andy King made it 3-0, also from a corner. Andre Ayew then won a pen that was converted by his kid brother, Jordan.
Antonio bagged a consolation for the second week in a row but West Ham were proper shite and Swansea were all over them.
Carvalhal is a bit of a character isn't he? Good for a sound bite or two and seems like a jovial fella. I’ve warmed to him now I must admit. Hopefully he keeps Swansea up.
I'm torn though. I want West Ham to go down, but I also want Newcastle to fuck off too and there’s still a chance Everton will get dragged back into it. With West Brom doomed then any two from three will do I suppose, but given a choice I’d go Everton and Newcastle. I wish we could send about six teams down this year though.
Onto Sunday, and how funny was that Arsenal game? Glenn Murray ran them ragged. GLENN MURRAY!! The arse has fallen out of them completely (they should probably just call themselves ‘Nal’ now), although they did steady the ship by winning comfortably in the San Siro. Thing is, Brighton are probably better than AC Milan. They certainly looked it on Sunday. Chris Hughton’s side were well deserving of a win that sent them above Everton in the table.
Brighton have a much better goal difference than Everton and as you know I always say that goal difference is a better indicator of how a team is doing than points. You can always see who is punching above (or below) their weight by looking at goal difference. Points can be a little misleading, goal difference rarely is.
Want to know how shit Everton are? They have a worse goal difference than Newcastle and Southampton and are only one better than Swansea, who had been bottom for ages until recently. What’s really mad is only the top six have a positive goal difference.
Still, if every English team played their Italian equivalent (in terms of league position) I’d be surprised if the Italians won more than two or three games. Obviously Everton would lose, and Juve would probably turn United over, but other than that I'm backing the English clubs every time.
Outside of the top two, Serie A is shit. Our u23s would finish mid-table over there. I had a strong feeling Arsenal would beat Milan and there are a couple of reasons for that. One, all the hipsters had been talking about how a “resurgent rossoneri” would give Arsenal all they could handle. Sorry, not buying it.
Their best player is Suso. Now I loved Suso when he was here, I was probably his number one fan in fact, and he’s developed into a boss little player. But if he’s your best player then you don’t have a very good team.
The other reason I felt Arsenal would turn them over is because this is what Arsenal do. When all looks lost, and their league form has their fans on the edge of burning down the Emirates and using Wenger for kindle, they always pull something out of the bag. I wondered if it might have been the league cup but they really shit the bed on that one, so don’t bet against them winning the Europe because it would be peak Wenger if they did. Hopefully it would buy him another season.
Also on Sunday, that performance by Chelsea was one of the most cowardly things I’ve ever seen from a manager of a top club. Mourinho-esque that was. Seeing players stood still just letting City pass it around in front of them, when THE SCORE WAS ONLY 1-0 was an absolute fucking scandal.
I know City are good, but fucking hell, it’s not like Chelsea don’t have talent. They won the league last year, yet now they’re happy to just avoid getting bummed. Conte was hammered by numerous pundits and rightly so, but he responded by calling them ‘stupid’. Nope. Playing Hazard at centre forward is stupid. Telling your players to stand in positions like training cones and let City pass it around unchallenged is stupid.
I like Conte, but Chelsea deserve to miss out on the top four on this performance alone. Outrageous levels of shitbaggery.
Which brings me nicely to Mourinho getting out of jail on Monday night. I genuinely have no idea how they keep doing this. How are they second? Seriously, HOW? They’re fucking shit. If Palace hadn’t completely lost their nerve when they went 2-0 up then we’d be second going in Saturday’s game and the pressure would really be on them. Instead, Mourinho can happily set up for a draw and hope to nick a win.
Fucking Palace. I hope they go down, the bottling cunts. Actually no, it still needs to be Everton and Newcastle, but if they save themselves then Palace and West Ham can go, the useless pricks.
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