Arsenal were overpowered by West Brom last weekend and conceded a couple of goals from set-pieces. In other news, the sky is blue, water is wet and Jose Mourinho is a bad helmet.
Dawson headed the Baggies in front from a corner (oui, of course) but Sanchez smashed in an equaliser soon after. That Robson-Kanu jabroni came off the bench and scored his customary “one goal a season” (apologies in advance if I’ve tempted fate and he slots against us in a few weeks) and Dawson headed in from another corner to make the game safe.
Arsenal got well and truly Pulised, but I’m not gloating too much as we’ve got to go there soon and who’d bet against us suffering the same fate? Not me, that’s for sure.
A plane flew over the stadium before the game with a “Wenger Out” message. Shortly after, an “In Arsene We Trust” one flew over. Flying messages over by plane is one of the lamest things footy fans can do; it positively reeks of “sad manc twat”, but trust Arsenal to take one of the most cringey things a fan can do, and make it even fucking worse.
Here’s an idea, let the knobheads fly spitfires over next time and battle it out old school, with the winner deciding Wenger’s fate? In fact, why not let ‘Uncle Fester’ Claude and ‘Club Shop’ Ty fly the planes and screen it live on Arsenal Fan TV.
Shearer said on MOTD that the players showed that they want Wenger out by their performance. Not sure I’d go along with that as this is just who Arsenal are. They’ve been putting in performances like this for years. They generally get outplayed by the top sides and they occasionally get bullied by the shite ones. They usually win enough of their other games to still make the top four and they might yet do it again, but they’re making it hard for themselves.
Arsenal’s players have since come out to voice support of their beleaguered boss, with Giroud saying "We want Arsene Wenger to renew his contract, to continue his adventure, because we support him.” His adventure! Hahaha I’m just imagining the fume from DT, Troopz and Claude when they heard that quote.
The best thing about Arsenal at the moment is this “will he or won’t he” thing with Wenger and his new contract. Actually no, that’s the second best thing. This is the best thing…
When it's series 26 of your favourite show but the writers have run out of things to say so just throw any old sh*t in there. pic.twitter.com/L3ChnOwne2
— Paddy Power (@paddypower) March 19, 2017
Gaaarrrr, it be them there shin pads, shiver me timbers lad.
Actually wait, THIS is the best thing
Moving swiftly on, and the anti-Arsenal won at Stoke in what was a real battle. The fact that Chelsea came through it with the three points shows exactly why they’ll be Champions. The likes of us and Arsenal, and probably City too, would have lost a game like that. They can win football matches and they can win scraps.
Willian put them ahead with a clever free-kick, catching out Grant at his near post. Stoke had a goal dubiously disallowed but were then given a soft penalty after Cahill made minimal, accidental contact with Walters, who was never reaching the ball anyway. And even if he did reach it, what’s he going to do? He’s Jon Walters for fucks sake.
Give the devil his due, he’s not too bad on pens and he picked himself up to convert from the spot, but that was the only shot Stoke had on target all day. Cahill got the winner when he blasted in a loose ball following a corner that had needlessly been given away by Pieters. It was some fucking sorry shit from the Dutchman, who then compounded that error by fluffing his clearance straight to Cahill.
What is it with Stoke and these fucking horrendous fullbacks? Three of the worst players I’ve ever seen are Ryan Shotton, Marc Wilson and Andy Wilkinson, and this Pieters jabroni might be almost as bad. They don’t even have Pulis to blame for it now. Stoke have come a long way since the Pulis era, but every now and then they get nostalgic and go full on alehouse again.
They clearly thought they could get under Costa’s skin and get him sent off and there was a lot of fouling and provocation going on. There’s history between Costa and Shawcross, as who can forget that clash last season when Costa was telling him he stinks? I reckon he does too you know, he looks like a big sweaty bastard.
Anyway, they did all they could to provoke Costa and it seemed to be working early on. After he was booked for dissent though he kept his cool and it was Stoke who ended up losing their heads, particularly Phil Bardsley (another alehouse level full back) who was booked for booting Costa and then sent off for trying to cut Fabregas in half in stoppage time. A bit harsh that one, as who wouldn’t want to do that to Fabregas given the opportunity?
As Chelsea continue their march to the title, the defending Champiosn have finally gotten their act together and began to pull away from the bottom three, the shower of bastards. The effort they’ve put in since Ranieri went just shows how little they’d been arsed in the months before.
Mahrez and Huth put them 2-0 up at West Ham but Lanzini’s free kick brought the Hammers back into it before Vardy’s close range strike restored the Champions’ two goal advantage. Ayew pulled one back with a goal that Schmeichel should have kept out, but the keeper quickly redeemed himself with a fine stop to deny Big Andy. West Ham swarmed all over Leicester trying to force and equaliser and Ayew missed a sitter before Schmeichel pulled off an amazing save to deny Carroll.
West Ham do seem to lose every week don’t they? They really shouldn’t have lost this one though.
Some lad I’ve never heard of scored Everton’s first goal in their win over Hull. I can’t be arsed looking it up, but he had one of those double barrel surnames that all the youngsters today seem to have. It’s a fucking pain in the arse, their parents need to show some consideration for those of us who have to type those names out regularly as it’s taking the piss.
Arsenal’s youth teams are the worst for it, every cunt is called Joshua Carter-McVitie or Tyler Marshall-Williams or some shit. No wonder their fans are so stressed and angry all the time, I’d be pissed off too if I had to constantly be saying or writing those fucking stupid names. This is why for purely selfish reasons I hope Trent Alexander-Arnold doesn’t make it. Either drop one of the names or fuck off.
Anyway, back on topic. Tom Hundredstone was somewhat harshly sent off late on and Hull fell apart in the closing stages, giving up goals to Valencia and two to Lukaku in stoppage time.
Elsewhere, Benik Afobe scored twice as Bournemouth virtually guaranteed their survival with a home win over Swansea, who are still in trouble after two successive defeats.
It looks like the current bottom three is how it will probably finish, especially as Palace won again and kept another clean sheet to climb further away from the drop zone. They still haven’t conceded at all since big Mama came into the team and unfortunately Fat Sam looks like he’s going to do a Fat Sam.
Their winning goal came from the head of Troy Deeney who buried it past his own keeper, which was nice, because fuck Troy Deeney.
Meanwhile, Sunderland were held to a goalless draw at home to Burnley. They should have won but their finishing was hilariously shit, so much so that MOTD shouldn’t have bothered with a commentator, they could have just played the Benny Hill theme instead.
Moyes has dropped that Ndong lad even though he’s been playing quite well. His reason? He wanted to pair Rodwell and Gibson together because he felt they needed “more Britishness” in there. That’s just about as Moyes as you can get that is. Fucking hell.
They’re seven points from safety now, and although they’ve come back from some dire situations before, that was before they had Moyes. Stick a fork in the Mackems, they’re done. Onto Sunday and Spurs just about got over the line against Southampton at White Hart Lane. The loss of Kane threatens to derail their season but they’re off to a good start without him, as Southampton aren’t an easy nut to crack so this was a good win for them.
Finally, Springfield beat Shelbyville in the Battle of the Bores. You know how Shelbyville is exactly like Springfield except everyone is a little uglier and more shit? That’s Boro and United that is. No wonder Mourinho loved Karanka so much, he was the only manager in the league that made the little prick look less of a park the bus shithouse.
Karanka had been living on the edge for over a year, as Downing has been trying to get him sacked since last season. The sad thing is Downing is probably right. Imagine that though, being so boring that even Stewart Downing thinks you’re dull. Christ.
United won because they’re Boro with better players. It goes without saying I didn’t watch it, so I have nothing further to add. Here’s a couple of Boro fans giving the United team bus what for as they departed Shelbyv… erm Teesside…
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