A good week for us and a bad one for United. Happy days. The gap between us is now just two points while we’ve already virtually booked our place in the last eight of the Champions League. I don’t know who I’d want in the next round but I know I don’t want it to be them.
Not because they frighten me, but because I’m really enjoying how open games are in the Champions League and the last thing I want is to be bored rigid for 180 minutes as that shitbag Mourinho lines up with a back eight and has them launching balls up to Lukaku. The sooner they are out the better for all concerned.
They face Sevilla next week which should be interesting as the Spaniards might be the snidiest bastards to play in this competition since Mourinho’s own Porto side back in the day. There are very few sides that could make me root for Sevilla, but United are obviously one of them. Besides, I’d quite like another crack at those bastards as we owe them a massive beating and I’m pretty sure we’d give it to them.
I feel like we’re destined to face Man City though, if not in the next round then somewhere down the line. It just felt like after the 4-3 the other week that wasn’t going to be the end of the story. If we do have to play them again I’d rather it be over two legs than a one off game, as I feel we’d need the Anfield factor to beat them.
City battered Leicester on Saturday as Aguero went goal crazy. De Bruyne produced some amazing assists in this game, as did Kasper Schmeichel. The next time anyone (any by ‘anyone’ I’m mostly meaning my Dad) tells me this fucker is a top keeper and would be a significant upgrade on what we have, I’ll just refer them to this game.
I’m not saying he’s bad, just that he’s one of a shitload of keepers who people seem to think are better than the Mig (and by definition Karius too) when they clearly aren’t. This guy is middle of the pack and the family name and occasional ‘starfish save’ shouldn’t blind people to that.
Sterling kicked things off with a left foot finish from a yard out. “You can’t question his finishing” said the commentator, referencing the sitter he missed last week. Errrr, yes you can question his finishing. He misses sitters every other week and just because he also puts plenty of them away doesn’t make him a good finisher.
He’s a terrible finisher. He’s also a very talented lad with a good football brain who gets himself into some great positions, but he is fortunate enough to be playing with De Bruyne and Silva who put countless chances on a plate for him. I actually reckon I’d hit double figures playing in that team. Fuck off, I’m serious.
Vardy equalised when he was played in by, erm, Otamendi (shite him) and beat the keeper with the aid of a slight deflection. It’s not fashionable to say it, but Vardy is fucking boss. He is averaging a goal every two games against the top six sides so he gets the job done in the big games. He’s like a reverse Zlatan.
Aguero restored City’s lead when he tapped in another stunning ball from De Bruyne. Schmeichel got both hands on it and probably should have done better. He was beaten far too easily for the third too, letting Aguero’s shot go right through him after his shitty clearance had caused the initial problem. Another shite clearance then presented Aguero with a hat-trick.
He had no chance with Aguero’s fourth though. Granted, it went straight down the middle but it was hit with such force and dip that the only way anyone is stopping that is if they’re seven feet tall. Guardiola was signing Aguero’s praises afterwards, which is a bit hollow considering everyone knows he wanted to replace him with Sanchez. Fucking slapped.
Anyway, moving on. I was hoping for an Arsenal win in the North London derby because, well, fuck Spurs, but the thing with Arsenal is on the rare occasions you need them to win they’ll always let you down. Always. Flaky bastards. I watched the first half and then switched it off in disgust at how fucking useless Ozil was. I hate him, he’s a massive fucking waster.
Arsenal got battered for long spells of the game but somehow only conceded once, and even that shouldn’t have counted as Kane had two hands on the back of a defender and stopped him jumping. Spurs had loads of chances to add to it but didn’t take any and then Arsenal came on strong at the end and should have snatched a point. Lacazette came off the bench and missed two great chances. I really thought he’d be better than he is, but he’s been disappointing.
At the end Jack Wilshere wanted to fight Lamela. Here’s something I’d never have typed up until a fortnight ago, but I wanted Wilshere to rip his stupid pretty fucking face off. Fuck Lamela, fuck big chin Kane, fuck Deli Alli and fuck Spurs, the cheating cunts. Fuck that manager and his fat cheeks too.
And fuck everyone who’s falling over themselves to kiss their arses just because they got a draw against Juve. The Italian league is shite and the best team in it wouldn’t even finish in the top five over here. And you know who else can fuck off? Higuain, the massive fraud. You know what he is? He’s a short, chubby Edinson Cavani. FRAUD.
Anyway, moving on as talking about Spurs is ruining the good mood I was in when I started writing this. What’s next? Ah bollocks, there’ll be no lightening of the mood just yet as it’s Everton, Roy Hodgson and John fucking Motson.
Just when I thought I couldn’t hate that old ballbag (Motson, not Hodgson) any more than I do, he pops up at Goodison in his shitty sheepskin coat and the first sentence out of the old cunt’s stupid old mouth is “Referee Jon Moss is back on Merseyside today, along with his assistant Eddie Smart, who lived up to his name, and between them they got the decisions right.” I’m not even going to type what I’m thinking as, frankly it does me no credit.
I was expecting Palace to give Everton all they could handle but then I heard Zaha was out injured and they had replaced him with the giant Norwegian that the Hodge brought in last month. The outcome of that was entirely predictable. In fairness he actually looked pretty good, but Wilf Zaha he aint.
Zaha has missed seven games this season and Palace have lost all of them. He might be the single most important player to any team in the league. He is to Palace what Sigurdsson was to Swansea last season.
Sigurdsson isn’t anywhere near as important to the Blues but he’s been better of late and has banged in a few goals. His deflected shot just after half time broke the deadlock in this one, before goals from Niasse and Davies wrapped up a comfortable win.
Palace were awarded their now weekly penalty kick, while Benteke missed his weekly great sitter when he headed wide of an open goal. Both of those things are as predictable as Burnley being involved in a one goal turfiest.
Speaking of which, Burnley were involved in another one goal turd fest. They were on the receiving end of it this time, getting turned over by resurgent Swansea. Ki Sung-Yeung got the only goal of the game late on. They actually look like they might save themselves now after being dead and buried a few weeks back.
Carvalhal has been trying to sweeten up the local press by giving them home made Portuguese pastries. Nice try, but I give it three months before he’ll be spitting and wiping bogeys on them before he hands them out.
Elsewhere, Watford followed up their terrific win over Chelsea with a piss poor defeat at West Ham. I’m not happy about this at all. I desperately want West Ham relegated, especially now they’ve signed that lying little shithouse Evra, but as long as Arnautovic is playing they’ll probably be fine. It feels as though any time they win, he’s instrumental in it.
Hernandez headed them in front and then should have put one on a plate for Arnautovic, but he’s a greedy ‘little pea’ and tried to go himself, and fucked it up. Arnautovic did get his goal eventually and he was the best player on the pitch by a mile. Unfortunately he went and embarrassed himself in his post match interview, and not just because of his new bleached blonde look (it looks fine now, but give him a couple of weeks until his roots start coming through and it looks like a pigeon has shit on his head).
No, he started going on about how his performance will show all of those critics and people who don’t like him that he can play. We know he can play, I don’t think anyone has ever suggested otherwise. Plenty scoffed at the ridiculous contract West Ham gave him, but in the last few months he’s probably lived up to that when you consider how much staying in the division is worth to West Ham. He’s their best player and it’s not even close. Stop playing the victim, soft lad.
Arnautovic’s importance to his old side is also fairly obvious now too. Shaqiri hasn’t been anywhere near as influential this season without him, and Stoke are now second from bottom after they were held at home to Brighton in a disappointing game with a dramatic ending.
Brighton scored a brilliant opening goal through Izquierdo (not only did I have to google that again, I had to copy and paste it too as try as I might I just can’t get that right), who played a couple of one twos before slotting into the corner. Shaqiri equalised and then in the dying seconds Jese took a dive and Booby Madley (that was initially a typo but I’m leaving it as it suits him) pointed to the spot.
Jese spat his dummy at not being allowed to take it, and that just put even more pressure on Charlie Adam, who produced a weak kick that was easily saved. His attempt to reach the rebound was comical too. It was like he was being shown in super slow mo while everyone else was at normal speed. He actually gave the keeper more trouble from the resulting corner than he did with the pen, as he almost caught him out at the near post. The keeper just about turned it round the post for another corner, and from that one it needed a goal-line clearance from Knockaert to save a point for Brighton.
Onto Sunday now, and Huddersfield snapped out of their slump by hammering Bournemouth. I didn’t see that coming, as Eddie Howe’s side have been in great form of late and Huddersfield have been dire.
Prichard fired in the first following a great run and cross by Mounie but Stanislas’ cool finish squared it up. Mounie climbed high to head Huddersfield back into the lead and they never looked back after that. Mounie swept in another when he converted a cross from my boy Mooy (who was excellent), and Van La Parra wrapped it up from the spot.
How great was it seeing Rafa sticking it to Mourinho like it was the mid 2000s all over again? Even more irritating to the Mancs will have been that the best player on the park was Jonjo. He was brilliant, as he can be when he’s not being a dickhead. Such a good player, if he had a brain he’d be England’s best midfielder. Imagine how good he’d be if he had Hendo’s brain and discipline.
Shelvey completely outshone Pogba, who was hauled off again. Shite him. All hype and no substance. He’ll play a couple of nice cross field passes against Palace or some other no hoper in a few weeks, get a new tattoo and yet another stupid haircut and Twitter will be worshipping at the altar of Dab as usual.
Mourinho was in a charitable mood afterwards. Just when you think you know what to expect from him he springs a surprise by being highly complimentary of Newcastle’s performance. I didn’t see that coming, but I suppose it must be hard work being an absolute cunt all of the time. You need a day off every now and again.
He’s failed to win at St James’ in seven attempts now. Staggering. That record is so bad it could have been made by Ed fucking Sheeran.
Because there’s been no challenge of any kind to City at the top, United have almost been thrust into the role of ‘chaser’ even though the only teams they are competing with are those who are hot on their own heels. United are not - and at no point this season have they ever been - in a title race.
Yet when City won at the weekend, I heard two separate radio stations refer to how they have increased their lead over United. They shouldn’t even be mentioned in the same breath. They’re as much of a threat to City’s title chances as I am to
United have been second almost since the beginning of the season, so maybe some have taken it as a given that second is where they’ll finish. Hopefully they’ve been thinking that way themselves, because it will be interesting to see how they react if they find themselves fourth or fifth in a couple of weeks.
Their next opponent is Chelsea, who could draw level with them with a win. We could already be above them if we beat West Ham, and Spurs will be breathing down their necks soon enough too the way things are going.
It’s because of this that I was happy Chelsea won on Monday night. That might put me in a minority of one, but bear with me as there is method behind my madness. Until this weekend I’d just be hoping for defeats for anyone around us, and more often than not that will still be the case.
I want us to finish second as that would represent a season of real progress and be pretty satisfying all things considered. Even finishing third or fourth would be fine I suppose, but what would make it all the more satisfying is if Mourinho’s bunch of dabbing cunts were to be edged out of it and into the Europa League.
Chelsea are up and down but they’ve got so much quality that they’re not going to go into a tailspin and they’ll be there or thereabouts at the end, unless something happens to Hazard in which case they’re royally fucked. What a player he is. He scored twice against West Brom and he’s really back to the form that made him player of the year last season.
Finally for this week, just take a look at this shit….
Antonio Conte was presented with a special gift at his news conference today.
— ESPN FC (@ESPNFC) February 15, 2018
Full story: https://t.co/L92NfBS1JA pic.twitter.com/GP43KmWCuL
If you’re going to blag your way into a press conference to play a ‘prank’ on a manager, then at least make it funny. This is the lamest ‘prank’ I’ve seen since… since… since the same unfunny boring cunts cornered Mourinho and got him to sign that same shirt the other week and then showed him Conte’s name on the back.
Honestly, I’m a lot angrier about this than I should be. I'm genuinely pissed off even knowing that this actually took place. Fucking sad bastards. Why didn't Chelsea's press officer just have the cunt thrown out? The disdain coming from Conte was palpable though. I like him more and more every week, he’s fucking boss. He should have spat on the shirt though. Maybe he's waiting until next week?
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