For some reason Mourinho just can’t win at St James’ Park can he? Still, despite his crap record few would have expected Chelsea to lose their unbeaten record there. I’m just glad that they’ve finally lost a game, not because it impacts on us in any way (Newcastle are more relevant to us than Chelsea these days) but just because I want them to lose every game they play because they’re bad twats.
That’s not going to happen obviously, because in addition to being bad twats they’re a really good team unfortunately, but at least now they won’t be going through the season unbeaten so there is that at least. It’s a small win admittedly, but I’ll take it as there’s precious little else to cling to at the moment as this season is turning into a complete nightmare.
Substitute Papis Cisse did the damage with both goals and Newcastle even overcame the sending off of perennial moron Steven Taylor, sent off for two stupid yellow cards (is there a more braindead footballer in the country?). Chelsea pulled one back immediately from the free-kick that had come from Taylor’s second yellow, and it was backs to wall for Newcastle for the final ten minutes or so. They even had their third choice keeper playing, but somehow held on.
It was reported that you could have travelled to Mars in the time that had elapsed since Chelsea’s last defeat. That can’t be right, surely? Sounds far fetched to me. Can we send Mourinho up there to prove it? Preferably without a space suit. In fact, he doesn't need a ship either, just tie him to the side of one of those rockets and launch the cunt into orbit.
Speaking of the devil, he complained about Newcastle’s time wasting after this. No really, the master of the dark arts was bitching about someone giving him some of his own medicine. Yaeh I was shocked too, it’s not like him to be a big steaming, stinking hypocrite is it. Oh wait, yeah it is, it's exactly like him. Helmet.
He even tried to justify it by saying that what goes on between the lines is fine but he doesn’t like people off the pitch (in this case ball boys) wasting time. That was obviously some other unshaved, scruffy fucking hobo on the touchline at Anfield last April clinging onto the ball preventing Flanagan taking a throw in then. And that was in the fucking first twenty minutes of the game!!
He also said he was happy with with players and the referee was good, so “I accept the defeat”. Oh you do, do you? That’s very big of you. Fucking tit.
Pards though, how smug must be feeling this week. I don’t even begrudge him it either. There’s something to be said for the unshakeable arrogance of Pardew and you’ve got to hand it to him, even when they were at rock bottom his faith in himself never wavered. Who can forget his response when asked about how he deals with it; “I just go home and look at my manager of the year trophy”. I wonder if that’s what Brendan is doing lately. I don’t say that to be flippant either, he should be doing just that because if he starts to doubt himself he’s fucked. As much as we all rip Pardew he’s a good example to other managers because very few ever turn it around when things go bad.
Arsenal got “Stoked” at the Britannia and the fans turned on Wenger. What I said about the fans with the banner last week, you can multiply that by about a million for those gobshites who booed Wenger at the train station. Even I felt uncomfortable watching that, if I was an Arsenal fan with an appreciation for all that Wenger has done I’d have been beside myself about it. Putting the ‘goon’ as well as the ‘cunt’ in ‘Gooner’.
Stoke hate Arsenal and it’s always lively when Wenger has to take his side there. Shawcross had warned them what to expect before the game, referring to the Britannia as “the bear pit”. He wasn’t wrong either, Arsenal just got mauled and were 3-0 down by half time. Crouch got one in the first minute and Bojan and Walters also found the net.
Arsenal's near ‘comeback’ owed as much to the officials incompetence and Stoke settling for what they had as any kind of fighting spirit being shown by the Gunners. Bojan had a goal controversially ruled out for offside, not by the liner, by the ref. That would have made it 4-0, and it changed the game as Arsenal grabbed two quick goals and had Stoke wobbling before they regained their composure to see the game out.
I keep saying it, but nearly everyone is shite aren’t they? It’s not just us. The question is who, if anyone, will get their act together first. I still think it will be Arsenal, but I hope not as those fans don’t deserve anything, the ungrateful, snivelling little skidmarks. These are the same smug, sneering twats who’ve been yelling “hooooooooofffff” and looking down their noses at everyone who doesn’t play their ‘sexy football’. Well guess what shitheads, who was it who gave you that football? Clue, it wasn’t fucking George Graham or Bruce Rioch. Knobs.
Moving on, and Sergio Aguero only lasted just over a minute of City’s win over Everton. He had to go off with a knee injury that reduced him to tears. That's right, he was crying. CRYING!! I can't even remember the last time I cried. I almost did this week at the final episode of Sons of Anarchy, but I didn't, I held my shit together because I'm a man and men don't cry unless it's absolutely necessary.
I'll tell ya one thing and I'm not ashamed ta say it. My estimation of John Sacrimoni Sergio Aguero as a man just fuckin' plummeted.
He was replaced not as you'd expect by Dzeko, but by some 18 year Spanish kid I’d never heard of. What’s going on here then, are City actually trying to establish a youth policy again? We’ll see how long that lasts.
Mangala should have been sent off for a ridiculous flying kick to the back of Eto’o. That was the kind of challenge I’d expect from Steven Taylor. Everton’s anger with referee Andre Marriner intensified further when he then awarded a soft pen against Jagielka after a tangle with Milner. Never a pen that, Milner never even appealed for anything either.
Toure buried the pen and shortly after Fernando buried Gareth Barry with a Hulk Hogan style big boot to the face. I was a little disappointed he didn’t follow it up with a leg drop and some ear cupping before flexing the pythons, but whatchyagonnado brother.
I tried to post a vine of that incident for those of you who, like me, can never tire of seeing that fat arsed crab Barry getting kicked in the head, but it looks like the Premier League have had it taken down, the fucking killjoys.
Everton probably deserved a point as they had more chances than City but couldn’t take any of them. Barkley was booked for diving, which tells me that Marriner was probably watching MOTD a couple of weeks ago. City are only three back from Chelsea now after being well off the pace a little over a week ago. With Aguero out for a while though… fuggedaboudit.
The most eagerly awaited match up of the weekend took place at Loftus Road as my boys Charlie Austin and Danny Ings went head to head. I felt like a proud dad watching this.
Fer gave Rangers the lead in the 2nd half from an Austin assist. Ings then saw a header skim the outside of the post and Boyd wasted a great chance to equalise before Austin bagged his 8th of the season to secure the win. It was a tap in but look at his movement. I keep saying this, but he’s just a proper striker that lad. He was sent off shortly after for a second yellow but his work was done by that point.
I take back what I said about QPR earlier in the season. They aren’t the mercenary group they were last time they were in the Prem and they’re giving it a good go this year. It sure helps when you’ve got a goalscorer though doesn’t it?
West Brom thought they should have had a pen when Anichebe was pulled back by his shirt after turning his man on the edge of the box with his patented spin move. The ref gave a free-kick against him though and as I watched I’m thinking, “this is seriously bad news for ‘One Trick’ Vic because if his one and only move is now being outlawed, then what’s the point of him?” I was almost feeling sorry for him too, but then he pulled the same move, got dragged down again and this time Michael Oliver gave a penalty. Make your mind up ref. Bloody hell.
McGregor saved Dorrans’ spot kick anyway. He’s saved all three pens he’s faced in the Premier League and the previous two were from iconic Premier League figures Frank Lampard and Charlie Austin. Remember when Pepe was shit hot on pens before he went like ten years without saving another one? Then there’s Mignolet, saved one on his debut and then nothing since. Even in that shootout with Boro he only saved one out of 37 or something.
Players posed for a group photo with the opposition before all the fixtures last weekend as a mark of remembrance for the first World War. Bet that brought back memories for Harry Kane (yeah yeah I know, but until Scott 'Scotty' Parker gets back in the top flight I need to recycle these gags and use Kane instead).
Spurs’ dismal home form continued with a goalless draw with Palace. Ledley should have put Palace ahead after an incredible bit of skill by Bolasie by the corner flag had set him up. Best bit of skill I’ve seen all season that, but I’m still not having that he’s any good, obviously. I'm aware I used the word skill twice in quick succession which isn't great writing etiquette, but it'll be a cold day in hell before I ever use the word "tekkers".
There were chances for both sides but Soldado went back to “barn door” mode after scoring the winner against the Blueshite last week while my boy J-Punch was denied by the bar and then had one ruled out for offside.
Onto Sunday now and Big Andy inspired a West Ham victory over fellow high flyers Swansea. Bony gave the visitors an early lead with a typically assured finish and then flashed a shot inches wide, but after that the Hammers came roaring back.
Carroll’s brilliant looping header drew them level before Bony did his best Carroll impression and “hit the bar”. Geddit? Hit the bar, because Andy likes a pint? No? Tough crowd.
Carroll then thumped in another header from a Downing cross (as somewhere in deepest, darkest France Damian Comolli gave a knowing nod) before referee Chris Foy took centre stage with a pitiful sending off of Swansea keeper Fabianski. Staggeringly shit decision that.
Sakho hit the post twice before finally getting his reward by hitting West Ham’s third to send them - albeit temporarily - into the top three.
Seeing the likes of Crouch and Carroll firing their teams to victory is a reminder of those dark days when we had a big man leading the line. I’m so glad Brendan has moved us away from that kind of prehistoric football and we no longer have a... wait. Shit.
Villa had a hard fought 2-1 won over Leicester at a half empty Villa Park. Westwood was stretchered off after a bad tackle by Vardy, who was given a yellow card. So yeah, Markovic is sent off for brushing his finger tips on a guys nose but a challenge that seriously injures someone gets a yellow. Welcome to modern football.
Ulloa gave Leicester an early lead, Clark cancelled it out and then Hutton won it for Villa in the second half. Hutton was then involved in an angry head to head confrontation with Konchesky in which he was booked and the Leicester full back was sent off. Not really sure why one crime was deemed more serious than the other, but Konchesky’s skanky ma will no doubt find a way to pin it on scousers though.
Tell you who I don’t like. That Grealish kid for Villa. Why? Because he rolls his socks down and wears gloves and looks like he thinks he’s better than he is. I mean how good can he be, he’s a sub for Villa for fucks sake.
Onto Monday now and thanks to my cousin Al sending me a link that works on iPhones I was able to watch the United game at St Mary’s. It was a sweet little set up too, I linked the phone to the big screen TV using an apple box and was shocked to discover I was able to still send messages and browse twitter and shit on my phone while the game played on the TV. The wonders of modern technology eh?
By full time I was wishing I hadn’t bothered. Even now I’m not sure how United won it as they were absolutely fucking putrid. It was like watching us, they were so poor. I can only remember two efforts on goal and both went in, so that’s where the comparison with us falls down I guess.
Both goals were completely down to pitiful errors by Southampton too. The first was a shocking play by Fonte (doing his best Lovren impression) and the second was bad shithouse goalkeeping by Forster (doing his best Mignolet impression) who stayed rooted to his line and failed to claim a high ball that was eventually put in by Van Persie from about a yard out.
United are fucking rubbish. Bad at the back, even worse in midfield and slow as fuck up front. The goalkeeper is brilliant though, I’ll give them that. And as bad as they are, is anyone expecting us to go there and come away with anything this Sunday? Not me, that’s for sure. The sad thing is, if we’d faced this United side last season we may well have put eight past them as they really do stink.
Dave
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