No game for us last weekend, just a light training session at Goodison ahead of our big Champions League quarterfinal. City on the other hand, had an energy draining, morale sapping derby defeat to United.
I wanted City to win it as it would have aided our chase for second spot and because, well, fuck Mourinho and United. That said, when it unfolded as it did I wasn’t especially upset about it. I thought it was funny actually.
While there’s no joy to be found in United winning, ever, there is something amusing about seeing Guardiola and City on the receiving end. And City’s fans have turned into colossal gobshites in recent years so fuck them, the bunch of self entitled knobheads.
One of them was actually crying at the end of the game. Sorry, but that’s far worse than lashing a can at a coach or sneaking some pyro in. Should be an instant banning order that. What's he even crying for? Because the league title will have to wait another week or two? He's no City fan. Proper City fans have known hard times. This tit probably defected from United or Chelsea.
Wonder if he cried on Wednesday night too? Three defeats in a week for City, and all came at the hands of the two teams they'd least like to lose to. Hopefully they don’t lose four in a row though as we could really do with them getting their act together and beating Spurs this weekend.
City completely dominated the first half against United and should have been 5-0 up. The reason they weren’t was because Sterling can only score from inside six yards, and even then his strike rate is around 50%. He’s stalling on a new contract at City apparently, amid talk that Real Madrid are interested in him.
Interested in him as what? Not a footballer, surely? I’ve been to a Madrid home game and sat in among their fans, and I’m telling you now if Sterling goes there and is missing sitters like only he can, the only winners in that deal will be the white handkerchief salesmen.
Those fans are fucking ruthless and impossible to please. Hell, they don’t rate Gareth Bale, and even Ronaldo has occasionally been booed. RONALDO!!!! Like I said, they're fucking ruthless.
If that moves comes off Sterling might be the funniest Englishmen abroad since Karl Pilkington. I really hope it happens, not least because it would be boss for City to get a taste of what they did to us. Mind you, knowing our luck they’d probably fuck Sterling off and then we’d sell them *Mané.
*Could have said Mo there but I'm not even prepared to joke about that)
At half time no-one saw a way back for United and it looked like they might get completely humiliated. As soon as they got one back though everything changed.
Pogba had been trending on Twitter at half time for all the wrong reasons. Basically everyone was ripping him for being shite. Then he scored twice in a minute and everyone was talking about how great he is. The truth lies somewhere in between, but closer to the former. He’s mostly shite but he can occasionally do something good.
Gary Neville was ripping him for the blue streak in his hair, saying he does himself no favours with stuff like that, especially ahead of a derby. Neville will get stick for that ‘yer da’ mentality, but I reckon he's right in this case.
When you’re delivering the goods week in week out you can do whatever the fuck you like. I mean look at Bobby Firmino. He could walk out for a Derby game dressed as the Toffee Lady and none of us would give a fuck because we know he’d go out there and still be boss.
When you’ve been as big an under achiever as Pogba though you leave yourself open to being slated.
City were shell shocked by those two quick goals and it got worse when Smalling’s header put United ahead. City responded well and really should have got something from the game but when it’s not your day it’s not your day. And it sure as hell wasn't their day. Or week.
They were denied the most blatant of penalties when Young went over the ball on Aguero. Not only a pen but a red card too. Martin Atkinson somehow blew that call. I say somehow, but he’s Martin Atkinson so that’s explanation enough.
Sterling then tried to steal goal from Otamendi and succeeded only in diverting the ball onto the post from two yards. Good job for him they don't sell white hankies at the Etihad.
Great result for United but I don’t think Mourinho should get any credit for it whatsoever. It was fuck all to do with him. It United’s players showing some fight and pride. As soon as they got one goal back they got the bit between their teeth and went for it. That’s how to beat City, you have to be brave and go at them.
It’s nailed on that the next time United face them Mourinho will park his bus again. It’s all he knows, it’s who he is.
I saw a fair bit of mocking about United’s ‘excessive celebrations’ but I thought their reaction to the win was perfectly reasonable. I don’t care who you are, if you can’t celebrate beating your neighbours and spoiling their title party after coming from 2-0 down at their place then football is the wrong sport for you.
City are going to win the league anyway but from a United point of view they’ve dodged the bullet of City winning it against them. Of course they're going to celebrate it. It's relief more than anything else.
It is quite the turnaround in fortunes though really. I mean ten years ago this would have been unthinkable.
Moving on, and Spurs won at Stoke thanks to a brace by Eriksen. What, you don’t think I’m going to ever acknowledge that second goal as being Kane’s do you? Come on, you know me better than that.
I’m staggered by what’s happened over this though. Even by modern football’s low standards this is pretty fucking sad. I’m embarrassed for Kane, he's made himself look ridiculous, the big dopey Desperate Dan bastard. No doubt he’s been called Desperate Dan before, but that will have been a reference to his almighty chin. Now he’s actually coming off as desperate so it’s a doubled edged insult.
I’m annoyed at Spurs for being so fucking scared of upsetting him and going along with that whole embarrassing charade just to indulge his almighty ego, and I’m annoyed at the panel who gave in to him even when it was as clear as the chin on his face that he didn’t touch that ball.
The people saying he got a touch seem to be mostly basing it on “he’s an honest lad”. Really? He’s been proven to be a bad diving twat, so how is his ‘honesty’ seen to be in such little doubt? Genuine question.
Murphy, Lineker and Lampard on MOTD were all happy to give it to him based on his word and his word alone, because the replays did not show any touch on the ball whatsoever.
There’s an awful lot more I could say about all this but much of it will be in the diary so no point in repeating it here. I hope Mo goes out and scores six on Saturday and then lifts his shirt to reveal a picture of a massive chin and nothing else.
I can’t see Stoke getting out of the bottom three now which will mean an exodus of all of their good players. They’ll lose Shaqiri, Wee Joe….. and er…. yeah that’s it. Probably Butland too if anyone is stupid enough to believe the hype.
Hey guess what, Bournemouth scored in the last minute again. What did I tell you last week, they do this shit all the time. It's remarkable. Fair play to them.
Milavojevic curled in a free-kick to put Palace ahead but substitute Mousset levelled. My boy Zaha put Palace in front again with a brilliant goal but as they do so often Bournemouth scored right at the death as another substitute, Josh King, poked in from close range. They’ve got 18 points from losing positions, which is the best in the league.
Elsewhere, Shelvey’s deflected shot set Newcastle on their way to victory at Leicester. That Ayoze Perez loser added a second when Maguire and Morgan left it to each other and Schmeichel had gone walkabout. Vardy pulled one back late on but Newcastle were worthy winners, even though Mahrez should have had a penalty when he was felled by Dummett.
Leicester can’t complain too much though as early in the game Maguire hit Gayle in the face and only got a yellow card. I can’t stand that Gayle twat but fair play to him for not making anything of that. Thing is though, if he’d gone down holding his face Maguire would have probably have gone, but being honest gets you nothing in football.
There are some whispers that Leicester’s players have turned against Puel and want him gone. Are those cunts going to be happy with anyone? May as well just let Vardy and Morgan be joint managers and be done with it.
Burnley won again despite falling behind to Perreira’s goal at Watford. Vokes came off the bench and scored with his first touch about five seconds later. Cork then headed the winner.
Much as I don’t like Burnley or their manager, they’ve had an incredible season all things considered and if Dyche were named Manager of the Year I wouldn’t argue too much. Don’t get me wrong, this is as good as it’s likely to ever get for him as I don’t think he’s got a great future. This is his level, but he’s great at his level. He’s Allardyce in waiting.
Brighton took the lead in unusual circumstances against Huddersfield when March’s shot hit the post, hit the keeper and then crept over the line. March will want the goal, the keeper certainly won’t, so expect the dubious goals panel to give it to Harry Kane.
Steve Mouniet took advantage of a terrible backpass by Duffy to draw Huddersfield level. I like him, he seems to score every other week but keeps getting dropped for that big fucking lump Depoitre. This makes me question the sanity of Kloppo’s mate.
Brighton’s cause was not helped when Propper was sent off after a losing a 50-50 with Hogg. They both went in in exactly the same fashion but Hogg got there a fraction before him and won the ball, and Propper proper nailed him. I thought the red card was harsh but that might be because I think that Hogg is a dirty little bastard.
Darren Moore took charge of West Brom following the sacking of my main man Pards, meaning they have had more managers than wins this season. Mad to think those bums knocked us out of the cup at Anfield. Deservedly too. As I say, mad.
Jay Rodriguez tapped in to open the scoring but Tammy Abraham’s first league goal since October earned Swansea a vital point.
Rodriguez has his hearing soon about the incident with Bong. Apparently Pardew is appearing as a character witness for him. That’s that poor bastard banned for six months then.
Onto Sunday now, and Moyes did us a favour by snatching a draw at Chelsea. That makes it very difficult for Chelsea to catch us now as they need to win every game (which they won’t) and they need us to lose a couple (which we might, given our CL distraction).
Azpilicueta bundled in from close range to give Chelsea the lead and he ran away kissing the badge. Really? If Madrid or Barca came in for him this summer he’d be off like shit off a stick. Didn't have him down as a badge kisser, so that was disappointing.
Arnautovic created the equaliser for Hernandez and then should have had a penalty when he was brought down by Kante after a terrific run. Chelsea had their chances too but Joe Hart rolled back the years to a time when he wasn’t shit and he made two or three great saves. I was just thinking that I was happy for him and then goes and refers to Hernandez afterwards as “Cheech”. Knob.
Finally, Southampton remain in deep trouble despite giving Arsenal all they could handle at a half empty Emirates. Shane Long scored his first goal in six years (or thereabouts) after terrible defending by Mustafi. He’s shite him, even by Arsenal defensive standards, and they paid a fortune for him. He didn't make it at Everton which should have been a bit of a red flag.
Aubameyeng equalised and then Welbeck’s deflected effort put the Gunners ahead. My boy Charlie Austin came off the bench to equalise. Welbeck then channelled his inner Raheem Sterling and missed from two yards but he made amends a minute later when headed in at the back post.
The officials then lost the plot as Andre Marriner sent off Stephens for a bit of handbags with Wilshere. What Stephens did wasn’t as bad as the one Maguire only got a yellow card for in the Leicester game, and whatsmore he was justified in doing it as Wilshere wouldn’t let go of his shirt and actually ended up ripping it in half. Stephens shoved him to the ground but didn’t deserve to be sent off. Hell, he deserves a pint as far as I’m concerned.
Elneny was then sent off seconds later for even less. That was on the linesman though, who went running on to tell Marriner like the fucking school snitch to the headmaster. Absolute joke that was. Arsenal should defo appeal that one. Hopefully if there’s any justice they’ll win the appeal and Harry Kane will have to serve the three match ban.
Still seems mad that Southampton are so bad considering the players they have, but I'm sorry, if you let Danny Welbeck score twice then you deserve to be relegated I'm afraid.
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