Spurs seem to win every game by three or four now don’t they? 12 home wins on the bounce for them after they spanked Bournemouth on Saturday.
Dembele gave them an early lead and Son immediately added a second. Kane and Son did one of those stupid handshake celebrations that Dele Alli is usually a part of, but at least this time Kane was smiling (and Son is never NOT smiling) which reduced the cringe factor by maybe 10%. Still looked like a couple of dorks though.
Kane himself made it 3-0 after the break and even that yard dog Janssen got on the scoresheet in stoppage time. It was men against boys and one of the most one sided games I’ve seen all season.
Bournemouth were shocking and it says a lot about Ibe that he can’t even get on the bench for them now. What a waste of talent, he’d still be playing for us and would probably be in and around the England squad if he had a better attitude, as he was brilliant as an 18 year old.
The worst thing that happened to that lad was getting his new contract as he’s done fuck all ever since and will probably be playing in the Championship in a year or two. We should be in jail for fraud having conned Eddie Howe out of £20m for him and Brad Smith.
Staying with Bournemouth, old silly string ankles Wilshere is done for the season. The only surprise there is it happened in April and not November.
When he went off injured the Spurs fans cheered and were criticised in some quarters for it. For example, that fat arsecandle Jonathon Pearce on MOTD called it unseemly. The defence would like to draw the jury's attention to to 'Exhibit A', m'lud….
What goes around comes around. I doubt Wilshere even has any problem with it, as he wouldn’t have expected anything else. Spurs fans did nothing wrong, it’s not like he was stretchered off unconscious or with a badly broken leg. He limped off with a bit of sore ankle. So much faux moral outrage in footy these days.
I had hoped Southampton might do us a favour and take something from their home game with City. They had chances when the game was still in the balance, but by the end Guardiola’s men ran out comfortable winners.
Kompany headed them in front but honestly, just at look at Forster’s attempt at keeping it out. I’m not saying he should have saved it, but look at how he just kind of jumped out of his skin like a bomb had gone off behind him. He’s just a fucking goon him, I bet he used to eat crayons when he was in school. Probably still does.
Sane added a second when he finished off a lovely move involving Silva and De Bruyne. He’s quality that Sane, exactly the kind of player we need to be looking at getting this summer. Not him, obviously, that ship sailed last summer, but someone like him, as he’s boss.
Aguero headed in a De Bruyne cross to make it 3-0 but again, look at the way Cedric shit out at the back post. He should be fined for that kind of cowardice. Or at the very least, make him sit next to Forster on the team bus for the rest of the season and listen to him reading his Peter and Jane books. “See Spot run. Run, Spot fast”.
Moving on, and Stoke (whose average fan is made up of 50% Fraser Forster DNA, and the other 50% Nigel Farage) ended a four game losing streak by beating Hull at the stadium formerly known as the Britannia. Shaqiri and Arnautovic tore Hull apart, producing the kind of performances that make you think they’re far too good for Stoke. The problem is, more often than not their performances show exactly why they are playing for Stoke. Both extremely talented but infuriatingly inconsistent.
Arnautovic put them ahead from a Shaqiri pass but Harry Maguire equalised. He’s a strange looking cat him, he doesn’t look like a footy player and having heard him speak afterwards, he doesn’t sound like one either. He looks like he works in a post office or behind a bar, he just doesn’t give off that sportsman vibe at all.
Crouchy (bless him) came off the bench to restore Stoke’s lead and Shaqiri’s spectacular 30 yarder put the cherry on top for them. It would have been a bad day for Hull except…
Watford edged out Swansea at Vicarage Road when Capoue took advantage of an Alfie Mawson error to grab the only goal of the game. What does he think this is, August? Remember that, when he scored seven goals or something in the first few games and looked like a superstar? Just goes to show any old bum can have a decent goalscoring run.
Speaking of which, Jagielka scored for the the third game in a row as the Blues beat Burnley. He did a cartwheel afterwards too, which isn’t wise as at his age he could easily bust a hip like that.
Burnley equalised with a Vokes penalty after Robles the Clown needlessly brought him down. One of the stupidest challenges of the season. How is he a professional goalkeeper? He makes Brad Jones look like Lev Yashin. Seriously, he’s fucking terrible.
Barkley restored the Blues’ lead with a shot that deflected in off TWO defenders. Jammy bastard. He was booked for his celebration, which even I think was harsh as it was pretty harmless and at least he kept his shirt on. I’m just pleasantly surprised it didn’t involve some lame “throw punches and then fall down” routine. If he’s going to get a yellow though, he might as well have made it worthwhile and revealed a “Kelvin McKenzie is a cunt” t shirt.
Robert Huth opened the scoring at Selhurst Park when he headed in unchallenged from a Fuchs long throw. Palace are so bad at defending set-pieces that we might even score from a corner this weekend. I’m serious, we might.
Vardy scored a brilliant breakaway goal to make it 2-0 when Leicester cleared a Palace corner and Mahrez sent him racing clear. If you had to describe a typical Leicester goal, it’d be almost exactly like that.
Palace looked in real trouble but Cabaye pulled one back immediately and then Benteke’s 14th of the season levelled it up. Probably shouldn’t have counted as he climbed all over the defender to win it. Both teams are safe now, which is a shame.
Still, at least Leicester are out of Europe now, which should please those Brexit dickbags who embarrassed themselves in Spain last week.
Sunderland finally scored at home and also picked up a rare point, but no-one cares, not even most of their own fans. Ayew gave the Hammers the lead and then went over to fist bump Bilic, who obliged but then unfortunately went for a follow up handshake and ended up grabbing fresh air as Ayew had turned away. Meanwhile, somewhere in North London, Kane, Alli and Son were pissing themselves laughing and yelling at the TV “see, that’s why you need to work on that shit!”.
Sunderland equalised in bizarre circumstances when Khazri’s corner eluded everyone and crept in at the back post. In fairness, it eluded the keeper because he was being manhandled by Alehouse Vic right under the nose of the ref.
James Collins then headed West Ham back in front just after half time. Now is it just me, or does anyone else have to avert their eyes any time Collins’ face appears on screen? I don’t want to be arlarse on him, and there are definitely uglier blokes out there than him, but there is just something deeply unpleasant and offensive about him from the neck up and I just don’t like looking at him.
Sweet Smelling Fabio emerged from the bench to score a last minute equaliser and celebrated in typically manic fashion. When you only score twice a year from open play you’ve got to enjoy it I suppose.
There were ten minutes stoppage time and West Ham had Byrom sent off during it, but Sunderland were unable to find a winner and it wouldn’t have mattered even if they had as they’ve been down for months. Some would say they’ve been down since they appointed that loser Moyes.
Borini said afterwards that the difference between this year and their successful relegation fights is that this team is “less united than the others”. That’s usually player speak for: “It’s the manager’s fault for playing favourites and signing a load of dickheads”.
I was actually in Sunderland last weekend and my brother in law has bailed on them now. Even though he’s already paid for his tickets he didn’t go to the West Ham game and isn’t going again this season. Depending on what happens in the summer he’s going to pick and choose when he goes next year too.
He’s used to them being shit (when have they ever been anything else?) and that wouldn’t stop him going, but he hates Moyes and reckons nobody is even trying anymore so why should he? Board, players or manager, nobody is arsed and there’s no fight, and he says sitting there watching a load of millionaires strolling around just makes him miserable.
I asked him what he thought about all the Moyes controversy with the BBC interviewer, and he said he didn’t care about that but “he should have been sacked ages ago for being shit”.
Onto Sunday now, and apparently Chelsea took a leaf out of Sunderland’s book and looked like they couldn’t be arsed at Old Trafford. I haven’t seen so much as one second of this game so I’m basing my assessment of it on hearsay and twitter comments, which puts me in the same category as many tabloid journalists.
I heard that Costa had one of those days when he was more interested in out shithousing his opponent than playing football. Not easy when you’re opponent is Rojo, and those two were embarrassing by all accounts. Almost as embarrassing as the United fans chanting “Argentina” every time the pair clashed.
I even read that Pogba played well. Christ, some of the far fetched, fabricated shit you see on twitter these days. I also read that Ashley Young was captain, which is almost as funny as Fellaini having the armband last week. How the mighty have fallen.
Here’s a stat that will shock you if you haven’t already seen it. Chelsea haven’t had a clean sheet since January and that’s the longest run of anyone in the Premier League. They have a reputation for being miserly but it’s an undeserved one seemingly. They’ve lost two of their last three and Spurs are flying, but they have the easier run in.
I tell you what though, the words “Mourinho Masterclass” should be punished by a public flogging, and repeat offenders should be castrated. The absolute laziest of lazy journalism that is. Any time his team wins a big game and shuts down the opposition, it’s a “Mourinho Masterclass”. Fuck off with that shit.
The way I see it, if you’re going to use that in those circumstances, then you have to use “Mourinho Shitfest” for all the occasions he tries to do it and it backfires. Given how none of them ever use the latter, it’s only right they should be punished for using the former.
Finally, Arsenal won on Monday night but they should be thankful they were only playing Boro, because had they been up against anyone else (other than the Moyes Boys) they’d have struggled.
I don’t really have anything more to say about it as it’s just a massive letdown any time Arsenal don’t lose these days as Arsenal Fan TV just isn’t the same. Still, they’ve got Man City in the cup semi at Wembley this weekend so make sure you have your popcorn ready for the aftermath of that, as it could get bluddy, fam.
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