I don’t care that much who wins this damn thing now, all I want from the semi’s is Portugal out. They’re a fucking abomination and it’s degrading to the tournament that they’re still in it after five games in which they’ve failed to muster a single win in 90 minutes. The only actual win they have came in the last minute of extra time and they have no business still being in the competition, let alone being just one game from the final.
They’re threatening to ruin the whole competition for me, the boring shit bastards. I’m sick of them, and most of all I’m sick of Ronaldo’s stupid fucking face and his constant tantrums and sulks any time a team-mate doesn’t make him the sole focus of their attention. Luis Suarez is a moaning, sulky bastard too, but he’s only like that because he wants the team to win. Ronaldo wants to win too, but for himself.
Everything about him screams “ME ME ME ME” and I’m amazed one of his team-mates hasn’t lamped him by now. Nani and Joao Mario bore the brunt of his ego against Poland, even though he was easily the most wasteful of the Portugal forwards. Forget who he is for a second and just look at the performances, and he’s been shit apart from that one game when he scored two against Hungary. He’s missed loads of chances, often completely missing his kick, yet just look at the cunt any time a team-mate takes a shot and doesn’t score, or fails to pick him out with an inch perfect pass. The arms go up, he’s dropping “Puta bombs” all over the place and making sure everyone can see that he’s not happy with whatever his team-mates had or hadn’t done.
When it went to pens I knew Portugal would go through, but it was still cruel that Blaszy… Blaschzy… Blashekov…. the Polish Milner was the one to miss, as he was quality once again. He’s had a great tournament and looks to be back to his best after injury. His pen was shite though unfortunately.
Four years ago Portugal went out with Ronaldo stranded on a fifth pen he didn’t get to take. He wasn’t taking any chances this time and went up first, which is the right thing to do, but I bet he was fucking gutted that it was Quaresma who got to hit the winning pen and not him. There’s no “I” in team, but there is a ‘U’ in cunt, and you are defo a bad cunt Ronaldo.
The only thing standing between them and the most undeserved place in a final in the history of football now is Wales. I said at the beginning of the tournament I was rooting for Wales to win the whole thing. I didn’t think they had much chance, but now they’re only two games away and they’ve just comfortably beaten the number two ranked team in the world, so it’s certainly not out of the question. There’s no reason they can’t beat Portugal, although they’ll have to do it without the suspended Ramsey and Davies, which makes things a lot more difficult.
I thought they had a chance against Belgium, but felt it was 70-30 in the Belgians favour and if Wales were to win it would be a gritty, backs to the wall job. Turns out it was nothing of the sort. This was the best game of the tournament so far and the first ten minutes were blistering, with chances for both teams and Belgium looking like world beaters. They went in front and it wasn’t looking good for Wales, but the way they rallied and took control of the game was incredible. They shouldn’t be able to play like that, but they did. They were fucking brilliant.
They were the better side in every department. They defended better, they played better as a team and they were more efficient in front of goal. Ashley Williams isn’t Franz Beckenbauer, but he’s a proper man and a leader, and there are increasingly few of those about in the modern game, when so many players are pampered, tattooed, overgrown babies. So many of us scoffed when Rodgers wanted to sign him, but when you look at some the gutless performances we’ve seen from our players in the last few years it’s easy to see what the attraction was for Brendan.
Williams was just one of many heroes on the night though. Hal Robson-Kanu has outperformed the likes of Zlatan, Lewandowski, Mandzukic, Giroud and loads of other big name strikers, and he’s just provided one of the best moments of the competition with that Lallana turn that sent three defenders for a taxi before he slotted it past the keeper. All the credit in the world to him, but seriously, watch those three Belgium players run off in the opposite direction, that was pitiful. That centre half with the dreadlocks was laughably bad, almost as shite as Lukaku’s kid brother.
As if that wasn’t enough of a fairytale, Burnley’s Sam Voles came on to replace him for the closing stages and produced a brilliant header to ice the game and make the last few minutes comfortable. It was just an amazing performance and I was delighted for them. My boy Jules went over there again and I saw him on the telly at the end giving it loads with the rest of the Welsh fans behind the goal. Just great scenes and by far the most enjoyable day of the tournament so far.
Of course, there’s a big old elephant in the room and it’s got it’s face painted with a George’s Cross and is trumpeting with an English accent. The ‘Welsh’ goalscorers were born in Wolverhampton, London and Southampton. Just sayin’…
It’s interesting comparing the two Madrid “galacticos’ in this tournament. Bale hasn’t been breathtaking or anything, but he’s been good and most importantly, he’s done what his team needed from him, whatever they may be. He’s a superstar but doesn’t act like one. Ronaldo is berating team-mates who he clearly feels don’t belong on the same stage as him, but these lads he’s humiliating actually play for some big clubs and are highly regarded players in their own right.
In contrast, Bale is playing with a few quality players and a load of lads who were nobodies before this tournament. You never get the impression that Bale thinks he’s too good for any of them though, he’s exactly what you’d want in a superstar if you were a small nation. This Wales squad actually seem to really like each other, which is rare in international football. Hell, it’s increasingly rare in club football too, but then that’s because most modern footballers are arseholes.
As for Belgium, good riddance. That side positively reeks of teams I don’t like and our boy Divock couldn’t get near the pitch. So fuck them and their bellend players like Courtois, Hazard and Fellaini. For such a gormless, inoffensive looking dweeb, that Courtois is a right horrible arrogant fuck isn’t he? Asked after the game if Belgium needed a new coach, Courtois replied: "This was an opportunity we may not get again. I gave him my opinion in the dressing room. He has to make his own decision."
Who the fuck does he think he is? No wonder Migs hates him. He stole De Bruyne’s bird a few years ago, and just seems like an all around thundercunt, which explains how he ended up at Stamford Bridge playing for Mourinho. Imagine that though, losing your bird to a big dopey looking bastard like him. It’s different for the likes of you and me, as at least we can put it down to the gold digging bitch just wanting the traps and trimmings of being a WAG, but if you were already a top footy player and your bird jibbed you to be with Postman Pat, well I think I’d probably just go out and kill myself as it doesn’t get any more embarrassing than that.
Next up, Italy. *sighs* Oh Italy…. In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death, taxes and Italy losing penalty shoot outs. With one or two notable exceptions, it feels like this is the only way they ever go out of major tournaments. No-one can beat them the normal way, it’s always, always, pens.
I’m sad they’re out but I have little or no sympathy for them because when one of your players takes a pen like that Zaza jabroni did, you deserve to go out. The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that I’ve never seen a worse penalty, all things considered. This guy was brought on in the dying seconds of extra time specifically take a pen. That in itself brings added pressure, so why on earth would you take a run up like that? I’ve never seen a slower run up, it was comical. To then balloon the pen into orbit after that kind of run up, well it’s just unforgivable.
It summed up the modern footballer for me. This preening, perfectly groomed, identikit tattooed fucking goon was more interested in style points than scoring. He couldn’t have just ran up and leathered the penalty in, Ray Stewart style, no sireebob, because that doesn’t look cool enough. Absolute fucking wanker, it’s his fault Italy lost and he deserves every little bit of ridicule that comes his way.
There is one Italian who should be grateful to Zaza though, and that’s Graziano Pelle. This big strunz tried to psych out the best keeper in the world and failed spectacularly. One of the things the legendary baseball player Babe Ruth is famous for is getting in the head of a pitcher by pointing to the spot in the stands where he was going to hit the ball, and then doing exactly that. Pelle, for reasons known only to himself, tried to confuse Neuer by indicating he was going to dink his kick up the middle, only to then trickle a pitiful effort wide. Word of advice lad, if you’re going to “call your shot”, don’t follow it up with a kick so weak and misdirected it brought back memories of Diana Ross at the World Cup opening ceremony back in 1994. Newsflash, you’re not Babe Ruth, you play for Southampton, you cunt.
Poor old Gigi Buffon though, he probably should have saved Hector’s decisive pen but what a man he is. He kept a lid on his emotions as he sportingly congratulated the German players, and then broke down on his way off. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with a man crying every now and then, but do it the right way. Buffon did it the right way, Buffon does everything the right way, the big fucking hero. Major tournaments won’t be the same without him.
The Italians need to find a new Godfather now. I occasionally like to picture a scene in my head where Gigi is sat behind a big desk at the team’s hotel, taking visits from other members of the squad who come to him with their problems, or simply to kick some money ‘upstairs’ when they get a bonus or new contract etc. Gigi gets to wet his beak when any of the squad come into any money, because he’s the boss. Chielini stands guard at the door, just in case anyone tries to get a bit disrespectful towards Don Gigi.
Finally, France absolutely walloped Iceland, which was shit because everybody except the French wanted to see Iceland keep the fairytale going. France just completely pissed on our chips though and this one was over inside 20 minutes really, as Iceland weren’t coming back from two down. France didn’t just settle for that though and Iceland just couldn’t cope.
The 4-0 half time scoreline suggested it might get really embarrassing for Iceland, but as always seems to happen, the team that had the lead eased off after the break and Iceland were able to restore some pride and ‘win the second half’. In fairness they were helped by Deschamps once again sending on that lumbering oaf Gignac rather than Martial.
I’m struggling to describe Gignac. A few things spring to mind. I can’t decide if he’s a rugby player who’s just been thrown on and asked to try and play footy, or if he’s what would be left if Giroud had every ounce of football ability sucked out of him. Basically he’s a pub player, the French Dean Windass.
France against Germany could go all the way to pens as there’s very little to choose between them. I don’t care who wins that just as long as Wales dump those Portuguese pricks out.
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