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Fulham 2005
Stu Montagu asking the questions...
It seems ludicrous that perfectly normal people would go to the smog infested wasteland of Middlesborough to watch Ray Parlour plod around all game, or that fans would sing nasty songs about people from a certain area if your new saviour is from that same region…but they do.
In this experiment into people, and why they're mental, we aim to find answers to these questions, whilst at the same time having fun (a bit like that crap teacher you once had who wanted to be your mate and through his incompetence lead you to disaster in physics…not that I'm bitter like!).
The man answering the questions this time round, in his own punchy and concise southern way is Mathew Boisclair from Toofif.com (there's only one F in Fulham). Oh, anyone who is unaware of the second use of the word "cottager" might want to google it now to get the full benefit of the final question!
Well, I had cash on Coleman to be first through the door last year so any predictions I make will be rubbish, what are your psychic visions for Fulham this season?
Who knows? I thought we were going to win it at the start but now I can see us dropping out if we don't sort our defending out!!
Who should we be keeping an eye on for your match winners when we do battle?
Andy Cole- he will be sat out on the Cottage balcony looking pretty pissed off just to your right
Right, only match winner on the sidelines, good. Stand with balconies, Odd! And who are the Fulham equivalents of Traore and Diao who will prove no plan is foolproof?
We are looking forward to the return of Papa to sit in front of our circus act of a defence just to tighten it up a bit!
If you could have one Liverpool player other than Gerrard at Fulham who would it be and why?
Milan Baros- quality striker!
And which of our players would you cheer if they were on the team sheet against you?
We are in no position to cheer any of your players when Ian Pearce is in our side (suspended for the weekend you'll be disappointed to know).
Very true. Who are the fans that you most disliked last season and why?
The woman who was sat in front of me who had a go at me for swearing!
Pathetic! Her obviously, not you.
Any supporters in particular impress you?
The ones who told her to shut up!
Why is Steve Finnan such utter shite since we bought him, or was all that PFA select XI stuff just an in joke amongst the pro's?
He was quality for us- it must be something you have done to him! How are his hubcaps by the way (joke).
Weak joke. Steed Malbranque; If we nicked him would he be very good, I imagine he would?
Rearrange this sentence: hands off effing your keep.
Nope, way beyond me, I'll presume it was a yes. Have you got any decent chants that will impress us when you come to Anfield, or will you just claim that we are poor and steal like everyone else?
Probably the latter to be fair (I'm honest if nothing else).
The Jamie Carragher question: Do you have a club legend that all the fans love for their attitude, just like the mighty Carra?
The boss, Cookie! Legend at Fulham! Plus the mighty Simon Morgan who played when you stuck 10 past us at Anfield!
Do you have any parasites in a Winston Bogarde mould that are hiding from public shame?
David Mellor (Fulham reject).
You must be happy to be back at the cottage because I thought that the minute you were out Fayed would flog the place?
In a word- delighted. We all think it looks fantastic and it has been pretty noisy so far this season. No offence but I hope you have a miserable day out there.
And Fayed; Fugging legend or Fugging Fugg off mate?
Legend! He's taken us home and loosened the old purse strings again! Nice one Mo!
I hate Chelsea more than you, Discuss.
You are correct. I don't hate them- I couldn't care less about what happens to them!
Not sure that's healthy, it's impossible not to hate the jellied eel munching, my- old-man's-a-dustman-singing, apple and pear climbing tosspots…ah, right…oops! Have you ever seen Milan Baros and Chris Coleman in the same room, you see I think there's something afoot?
I have thought that for a while- both pretty ugly but both sheer class too!
And as a final question, are you called the cottagers, and if so does that not disturb you what with the associated connotations?
We are and it doesn't really disturb me. We've grown up with that nickname and long may it stay! It could be worse to be fair!
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