Boring knobhead twatface cunts at work

[Doctor Troy]

I work with some boring twatface cunt, the type who thinks he is dead clever and licks the boss's arse at every opportunity, whenever he has a gripe or question about the management he always copies everyone into his e-mail like we find his opinion useful or interesting. He always quotes different types of caselaw no matter how insignificant or meaningless it is to our job just so he can sound clever. He's fat, he's pedantic, he's boring and he should be killed.

I tried organising a few drinks after work last Friday and he needs about 5 weeks notice because his wife rules the roost. He got a cob on because I only gave him 4 days notice and that "He's a parent" - "Not all of us can just do things at the drop of a hat". I can't look him in the eye anymore in work without wanting to stab him in the face with a very sharp knife repeatedly.

[Redder Lurtz]

Originally Posted by Doctor Troy I work with some boring twatface cunt, the type who thinks he is dead clever and licks the boss's arse at every opportunity, whenever he has a gripe or question about the management he always copies everyone into his e-mail like we find his opinion useful or interesting. He always quotes different types of caselaw no matter how insignificant or meaningless it is to our job just so he can sound clever. He's fat, he's pedantic, he's boring and he should be killed. I tried organising a few drinks after work last Friday and he needs about 5 weeks notice because his wife rules the roost. He got a cob on because I only gave him 4 days notice and that "He's a parent" - "Not all of us can just do things at the drop of a hat". I can't look him in the eye anymore in work without wanting to stab him in the face with a very sharp knife repeatedly.

Two choices here:

1. Kick him square in the nuts
2. Persuade him to go to a fancy dress party dressed as a woman and set PaddyBerger on him with his axe.

[Doctor Troy]

Originally Posted by Redder Lurtz Two choices here: 1. Kick him square in the nuts 2. Persuade him to go to a fancy dress party dressed as a woman and set PaddyBerger on him with his axe.

I reckon both.

When I first started I thought he was a methodical worker, now he just irritates me and I want to smash his face in.

[Section_31]

See my jobsworth thread from many moons back, sounds pretty similar to a few I've worked with.

What's the guy's 'status'? Is he ranking or does he do a hard job?

It's bizzare, some of the people I work with now have careers and status most would kill for yet they're the most layed back people you'll ever meet, no pretentions, top shirt-button undone and ciggie in the bog types.

Yet when I worked in call centres it was full of propper little Hitlers "I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MANY SUGARS I HAVE BECAUSE IT CONTRAVENES DATA PROTECTION REGULATIONS!'

Cunts.

[Doctor Troy]

Originally Posted by Section_31 See my jobsworth thread from many moons back, sounds pretty similar to a few I've worked with. What's the guy's 'status'? Is he ranking or does he do a hard job? It's bizzare, some of the people I work with now have careers and status most would kill for yet they're the most layed back people you'll ever meet, no pretentions, top shirt-button undone and ciggie in the bog types. Yet when I worked in call centres it was full of propper little Hitlers "I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MANY SUGARS I HAVE BECAUSE IT CONTRAVENES DATA PROTECTION REGULATIONS!' Cunts.

He's the same grade as me but seems to think that he is better than me because he's been in the civl service since bommy night 1925. I worked down south for 2 years and came back after being promoted, down there it meant fuck all yet up here everyone thinks that they are chairman of Barclays Bank and think that they have made it in life. We all had to attend a "mandatory" meeting last week which basically involved us meeting a few bigwigs from London for an hour and having canapes and non alchoholic drinks, he threw a massive strop because it was during the Easter school holidays and whinged how the workers are no longer valued in the civil service, basically because he couldn't go. He copied us all into his e-mail to make his feelings "Abundantly clear". Everyone else didnt want to go and kept trying to book annual leave or doctors appointments to get out of it. I'll give myself another week before I kill him.

[Stu Monty]

Originally Posted by Redder Lurtz Two choices here: 1. Kick him square in the nuts 2. Persuade him to go to a fancy dress party dressed as a woman and set PaddyBerger on him with his axe.

I reckon option one. Sweet medicine it is not, and I know.

Killing him sounds good too though.

[dudek#1]

Fuck me, he sounds like a right cunt. I hate people who go on about their home life, wife, kids etc. like that.

[Doctor Troy]

Originally Posted by dudek#1 Fuck me, he sounds like a right cunt. I hate people who go on about their home life, wife, kids etc. like that.

You'd think that he's the only human working who has kids by the sound of him, constantly fucking whining about how long his kids take to get ready in the morning and how he needs to be in early every day. My mum had 5 kids and managed to do a degree and postgrad course at Edge Hill travelling by train every day yet he moans about travelling from Waterloo each day and having to dress his kids. Plus his wife doesn't work. One of the most annoying twats i've ever worked with. He gives me dirty looks when I talk to the guy next to me about doing white water rafting in Zimbabwe and skydiving in Australia because he knows he's never had a fucking life himself.

[Remmie]

Check out my thread on an attempted, but ultimately abandoned attempt at revenge against a Boltonite cunt called Yvonne.

I fucking hate Yvonne

I now have a bird at work called Karen who irritates everyone. The first irritating thing I noticed about it was it's laugh, very bizarre and very loud. Again, very loud-mouthed and entirely unattractive and tries to compensate by being over friendly, in your face and tiresome. She is also a complete management boot licker with delusions of grandeur and always makes the biggest deal over doing the simplest task, namely because she's pretty shit at her job. Example- we have to cover for another team & them us. We then tidy up the work they do, which I'd been doing all morning with some tough problems as no-one else could be arsed. Then we get an email with a password reset, I email my colleague and say Karen will pick this up & make a big deal about doing it because it's piss fucking easy and the manager is in earshot. This will happen in 5,4,3,2,1.... I was about a second out. You should have seen me try and get my colleague to check his email as quick as possible.

To be fair the 2 offenders above have done nothing for their cause by being loud-mouthed, overweight & unattractive women. They are already at a huge fucking loss.

[RJ Fan club]

We have new lad working at our place, hes only been in planning about 6 months now (as long as he's worked in our place). He constantly interrupts every conversation whether it be work related or not, on top of that he has the worlds worst stutter that inflicts him to the degree where he throws his head back like the cartoon character with the flip top head from the oral b adverts circa 1988. I'm not having a go at his stammer, I used to have one as a kid and grew out of it, I know the frustration but his is so bad, that if I were in the same position I would talk a helluva lot less.

He knowledge of the subject is of course completely limited given his lack of experience, so he always offers an opinion to impress. The annoying thing is that he invents the most unlikely scenario so that he can try to make a point, which is in fact therefore rendered pointless by the lack of the same circumstances in the case being discussed by the senior planners.

He listens in to every conversation, asks pointless questions all day, asks questions about every one of his minor applications (fences, garages etc) then repeats your answers to other members of staff like they were his idea and thoughts on the subject. Luckily I sit no where near him, but two of my colleagues are ready to stab him; which I could understand except that they are two of the most feminine mild mannered ladies you will ever meet.

[Anny Road]

Post his e-mail and well send him some reading material.

[Doctor Troy]

Originally Posted by Anny Road Post his e-mail and well send him some reading material.

He'd just try to reply and copy everyone into his e-mail and try starting a "discussion". Then he'd be a queg and use it as an excuse not to come out for the next 4 months.

[Section_31]

I once e-mailed the FBI after some cunt at an old job stole a biscuit from my desk and said I'd heard him making threats against the president's life. I gave them his works extension number and told him I'd done it.

He laughed it off, but the next day I got another lad in our office from Missouri (called Dustin, top lad he was) to call him and say that "threatening the life of the president of the united states was a very serious offence and that the relevent domestic authorities would be notified in due course"

He came over later on, half confused and half shit-scared, I couldn't keep a straight face though so it all went to shit, was funny while it lasted though.

[Doctor Troy]

Some lad next to me used to get me to ring up some twat he used to work with in the CSA - he'd give me the exact details of a controversial/dispute over support case he was working on and get me to put on a Welsh accent saying I was in Birkenhead and knew what pubs he drank at, I'd threaten him saying that if I ever saw him in Birkenhead I'd bring up all my rugby playing mates to cripple him. As soon as I put the phone down, he'd ring the guy next to me to see if it was defo him. He said his mate never came out of the house for 3 months.

[Doctor Troy]

He was at it again in work today, his wife rings up saying his kid has a cold but she has the situation under control, he was like "Don't move I'll be home in half an hour", his wife repeatedly said "It's ok, you dont need to come home" but he said to our manager it was a life or death emergency and fucked off at 2pm. Apparently he has a habit of doing it and has done it about 5/6 times since christmas.

He also re drafted our lottery syndicate agreement like it was a peace treaty and had to stand over our shoulders while we signed it to "witness" it.

I'll give it until May.