Quality. Just sent that all round the office, everyone's chuckling. Nice one.
__________________
I saw the advert on my TV screen
Slimline drinks and Tetley tea
Exploit the accent of the flat capped men
Like Hell the North will rise again
The comradeship of drinking ale
The workers' revolution failed
Too pissed on shit to notice it
Never mind, wear it if it fits
Some quotes from our "Footballer Friends" - a few years old but still funny
'I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.' - Mark Viduka
'He's put on weight and I've lost it, and vice versa.' - Ronnie Whelan
'If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day.' - Neville Southall
'We lost because we didn't win.' - Ronaldo
'I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable.' - Paul Gascoigne
'I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well.' - Alan Shearer
'I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.' - Mark Draper
'You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out.' - Peter Shilton
'I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester.' - Stan Collymore
'I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at
Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was
out there playing.' - Ade Akinbiyi
'Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match.' - Ian Wright
'It was a big relief off my shoulder.' - Paul Gascoigne
'I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier.' - Ugo Ehiogu
'It took a lot of bottle for Tony (Adams) to own up.' - Ian Wright
'Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesbrough.' - Jonathan Woodgate
'I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.' - Stuart Pearce
'I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right.' - Lee Hendrie
'I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country.' - Ian Rush
Interviewer: 'Would it be fair to describe you as a volatile player?'
David Beckham: 'Well, I can play in the centre, on the right and occasionally on the left side.'
'If you're 0-0 down, there's no-one better to get you back on terms than Ian Wright.' - Robbie Earle
'Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11
internationals out there today.' - Steve Lomas
'I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock.' - Barry Venison
'I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet.' - David Beckham
'The Brazilians were South America, and the Ukranians will be more European.' - Phil Neville
'All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed.' - Mitchell Thomas
'Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had.' - David Beckham
'The opening ceremony was good, although I missed it.' - Graeme Le Saux
'One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best.' - Alan Shearer
'I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd.' - Johnny Giles
'Sometimes in football you have to score goals.' - Thierry Henry
'My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7.' - David Beckham
'I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in
football.'- Les Ferdinand
'It was like the ref had a brand new yellow card and wanted to see if it worked.' - Richard Rufus
'There's no in between - you're either good or bad. We were in between.' - Gary Lineker
'Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win.' - Vinny Jones
