News from the 'Office of Monkey Research'

[jnp]

Morning all from the Office of Monkey Research.

Since my appointment from the all round Monkey-man that is Stu Monty, I have arrived at my new place of work this morning, gotten used to my new office, workmates, flirted with my receptionist and having gotten down to some serious work, found this little piece of news to update everyone on the latest of what’s happening in Monkey world……………….and its good news!!!!!

London’s finest Zoo Monkey all all round nice chap ‘Sponge Bob’ has been at last found

Sponge Bob the stolen squirrel monkey found in London
BY PHILIPPE NAUGHTON

A very rare monkey stolen from Chessington Zoo at the weekend has been found alive, playing with children on a housing estate in Clapham, South London.
The Bolivian squirrel monkey called Sponge Bob was stolen from the Chessington World of Adventures in Surrey in an apparently well-planned raid on Sunday night. Kingston police began an investigation into the theft, hoping to track down the endangered primate.
Yesterday evening, however, a member of the public who had recognised the monkey from press coverage of the theft carried it into Brixton police station, saying that he had found it playing with children in the street.

"It was quite surprising," said DC David Burton of Kingston police, who is leading the investigation into the theft.
"A guy in Clapham saw some children playing with the monkey - obviously not something you see every day - and he recognised the monkey from the newspapers. He confiscated this animal from the kids and took it to Brixton.
"Brixton police reunited him straightaway with Chessington Zoo and he's been with the vet all morning, a bit stressed but okay."
The thieves who stole Sponge Bob are believed to have either scaled the walls of the zoo or hidden in the park before cutting two holes in the fence of the monkey and bird garden.
Sponge Bob, a two-year-old born in South Africa, was the only male in the group of ten and staff believe that the thieves were either experts and knew what they were looking for or that the Sponge Bob - the most inquisitive of the squirrel monkeys, was simply the first one to approach them.
The theft left staff at the zoo dismayed and the rest of the pack in "turmoil" because Sponge Bob had been the only breeding male.
Sonia Freeman, who is in charge of mammals at the zoo, said: "We couldn't believe it when we got the call from the police late last night.
"Bob is still very upset and unsettled, and he has clearly been through a disturbing experience. He has lost a lot of weight and he is obviously hungry and stressed.
"He is being cared for by the zoo vet and his keepers here at the zoo, and we are hopeful he will get back to his normal, playful self soon."
The theft is the latest in a string of raids on British zoos in recent months. In June, five rare marmoset monkeys were stolen from Drusillas Zoo Park at Alfriston, East Sussex, as they slept in their nesting boxes.
A further 14 monkeys were stolen from zoos in Devon and Cambridgeshire earlier this year. Just before Christmas, a baby Jackass penguin was stolen from a zoo on the Isle of Wight and is still missing despite the offer of a £25,000 reward.
DC Burton said police did not believe that the children who were playing with the monkey had been responsible for the theft and the monkey may have escaped from its captors. "We haven't ruled anything out," he said. "But the fact that the monkey has been returned doesn't mean we are not still investigating it."






So there you have it people we now know that Monkeys get irate just like humans and that if you're a monkey, you can be confiscated.

So again all is well in the Monkey world..........................now back to looking at porn.

Toodle do

[Stouffer]

Nice work from MHQ jnp.

[Jose Jones]

Hey, I heard a story about big hard monkey police being used on the Delhi underground to scare off other monkeys. Apparently some monkeys had been causing trouble on the trains by sitting in carriages and staring at people in unsettling ways. As everyone knows the only things monkeys are scared of is bigger monkeys, the cops have got in a load of bigger monkeys to scare off the trouble causing monkeys.
Could the OMR perhaps shed some light on this story?

[RedKnight]

Did anyone watch that Animal Park this morning? There were about six or seven monkey's hanging off a buffalo. The mad bastards.

[Spy Bee]

Originally Posted by Jose Jones Hey, I heard a story about big hard monkey police being used on the Delhi underground to scare off other monkeys. Apparently some monkeys had been causing trouble on the trains by sitting in carriages and staring at people in unsettling ways. As everyone knows the only things monkeys are scared of is bigger monkeys, the cops have got in a load of bigger monkeys to scare off the trouble causing monkeys. Could the OMR perhaps shed some light on this story?

This is old news. Where have you been. We are on the cutting edge of monkey news here.

[Stouffer]

jnp, you need to change the the location on your profile to something like "MHQ, deep in the heart of monkey central" or something.

[Scouse Missionary]

I was born in 1968, a Chinese Year of the Monkey. Do I have to register with the OMR?

[jnp]

Originally Posted by NorthernRed jnp, you need to change the the location on your profile to something like "MHQ, deep in the heart of monkey central" or something.

hhhhmmmm, will get on that asap.

[jnp]

Originally Posted by Scouse Missionary I was born in 1968, a Chinese Year of the Monkey. Do I have to register with the OMR?

I've checked and they said you have to register with the 'Office of Monkey Related Birth Years'

[Jose Jones]

Originally Posted by AdamS This is old news. Where have you been. We are on the cutting edge of monkey news here.

Been sitting in a tree picking flies out my girlfriends hair, so haven't really been keeping up with the news.

[Spy Bee]

Originally Posted by Jose Jones Been sitting in a tree picking flies out my girlfriends hair, so haven't really been keeping up with the news.

Sorry, I didn’t realise you were from Wigan.

[Scouse Missionary]

Cheers JNP.

[Stouffer]

Originally Posted by jnp I've checked and they said you have to register with the 'Office of Monkey Related Birth Years'

Now we all know who's boss.

Stupid bears dont have a HQ see, spend all day sleeping or getting their ass' kicked by monkeys.

[Jose Jones]

Originally Posted by AdamS Sorry, I didn’t realise you were from Wigan.

Haha!
Does that mean monkeys are from wigan as well? Or that people from Wigan evolved from those monkeys that pick flies off each other?
The French evolved from those monkeys that smoke fags in Thai zoos.

[Stu Monty]

I can see meteoric progress through the ranks at MHQ for JNP; the lad has some serious potential.

[Spy Bee]

Latest report indicate that the monkey is no longer on Jenson Button's back.