The Skip's Musical Masterclass - Lesson 2

In our last lesson we dealt with the genre of Hip-Hop, or 'Rap' to the layman. I was delighted with the effort you put into your homework, and it was very difficult choosing who's was best. In the end, I felt Hamstrung just about edged it, so he'll be getting 100 vbookie credits as his reward.

This lesson will deal with a type of music that is huge across the pond, but not so big over here. Country Music. Kids of today have no clue about Country music, which is a damn shame as it pisses all over most of the shit they listen to nowadays. The only time a country music song makes it into the mainstream charts, is if it's some stupid novelty act.

Like any type of music, there's good and bad and it's difficult for the uneducated ear to discern the difference. However, with Country music it is a lot easier to separate the wheat from the chaff. There are two golden rules as to what makes a great country song:

Rule One: Does it tell a a story that makes you listen to each line and eagerly await the next one to find out what happens. For instance, if you're listening to a song in your car, and you reach your destination half way through, would you stay in the car until you'd heard the end of the song? If the answer is yes, it's a great country song. If it's no, then it's shite.

Rule Two: As with any kind of music, it has to have a catchy tune or what's the point?

If a song relies more heavily on one of these rules than the other, it's on dodgy ground. If it has neither, chances are it's Billy Ray Cyrus.

Country Music:



A Boy Named Sue perfectly combines both of the key elements of what makes a great Country song. It's difficult to top that, but I'd say this song comes pretty darn tootin close:



Taken from the brilliant 80's TV Show 'the Fall Guy', this tune tells the tale of an 'unknown stuntman' who lives in the shadow of the big Hollywood stars who are too big a pussy to do the things he does. They get the hot movie star chicks, whilst he gets the bumps and bruises to make them cool. He's pretty philosophical about it, but he must be pissed off because I sure as hell would be. The point is, it's a catchy tune and it has you hanging on his every word, waiting to find out more about what it's like to be a stuntman, risking life and limb so some chump like Robert Redford can score with chicks.

Another fantastic combination of great story and great tune is this:



Proof that every man has his breaking point. You don't fuck with Tommy's woman. Those Gatlin boys thought they could take liberties, but Tommy opened up a can of whupass on those boys.

But if it ain't Country Music, it's....

Cunty Music



Words fail me. Not even that mullet can rescue this monstrosity.

Homework is the same as last time. Post examples of good and bad country music, and the best gets 100 vbookie credits.