Interview Advice

[Joeys Pogo]

I work in HR so as you can imagine I get to interview a lot of people. For those of you who go to interviews let me give you some tips about what not to do based on real things I have seen people say and do over the years. DO NOT

Pick your nose and roll it between your fingers - I will notice
Cut yourself shaving and turn up with your shirt looking like Terry Butcher's in that picture
Wear an "amusing tie" with a big W and an anchor sign underneath it
Pretend to be your sister!
Arrive late because "my budgerigar got out of his cage"
Ask "how long do I have to be here before I get sick pay"
Turn up with your mum/dad and have them wait outside for you (it doesn't fill me with confidence)
Tell me that you have a good sense of humour, then proceed to attempt to tell an entirely inappropriate joke
Make the first slide in your presentation a naked woman getting out of a shower and say jokingly "How did that get there?" - If I wanted to recruit Alan Partridge I'd make that clear in the advert
Stare lustily at my attractive female colleague's chest even when answering my questions
Namedrop into your answers people who I frankly cannot stand and tell me you have modelled yourself on them

And finally
If I ask you "where do you see yourself in five years time?" Do not say "Sitting in that chair doing your job" I've heard that dozens of times its not funny - Its my job and you are not fucking getting it

Any interview cock ups you would like to share feel free - I'm happy to advise
although my advice gets less reliable if I've been boozing

[Spy Bee]

Just have a wee dab of whiz before you go in there.

[rondeco]

Originally Posted by Joeys Pogo I work in HR so as you can imagine I get to interview a lot of people. For those of you who go to interviews let me give you some tips about what not to do based on real things I have seen people say and do over the years. DO NOT Pick your nose and roll it between your fingers - I will notice Cut yourself shaving and turn up with your shirt looking like Terry Butcher's in that picture Wear an "amusing tie" with a big W and an anchor sign underneath it Pretend to be your sister! Arrive late because "my budgerigar got out of his cage" Ask "how long do I have to be here before I get sick pay" Turn up with your mum/dad and have them wait outside for you (it doesn't fill me with confidence) Tell me that you have a good sense of humour, then proceed to attempt to tell an entirely inappropriate joke Make the first slide in your presentation a naked woman getting out of a shower and say jokingly "How did that get there?" - If I wanted to recruit Alan Partridge I'd make that clear in the advert Stare lustily at my attractive female colleague's chest even when answering my questions Namedrop into your answers people who I frankly cannot stand and tell me you have modelled yourself on them And finally If I ask you "where do you see yourself in five years time?" Do not say "Sitting in that chair doing your job" I've heard that dozens of times its not funny - Its my job and you are not fucking getting it Any interview cock ups you would like to share feel free - I'm happy to advise although my advice gets less reliable if I've been boozing

I require these highlighted points to be expanded upon. Especially the breast girl.

[Joeys Pogo]

Originally Posted by rondeco I require these highlighted points to be expanded upon. Especially the breast girl.

Pretending to be your sister refers to an identical twin who turned up for the interview (we found out afterwards) because her sister was "too shy to attend"

The breast incidfent was when a girl (a very fit one to be fair) and I interviewed this wierd guy for an IT job. He couldn't tear his eyes away from her (admittedly very impressive) chest, and stared almost slobbering at her throughout. I had to cut it short it was that bad. He had the audacity to ring up a few days later and ask for feedback

[Uncle_Meat]

Originally Posted by Joeys Pogo And finally If I ask you "where do you see yourself in five years time?" Do not say "Sitting in that chair doing your job" I've heard that dozens of times its not funny - Its my job and you are not fucking getting it

I was told to try something along those lines in interviews, in order to give an impression of ambition for myself.

I answered "Where do you see yourself in the future with our company?" with the reply "Paying your wages."

Needless to say I never got the job. Fuck 'em anyway, let them stack their own shelves...