OFFICE DARES

[Mav]

Reading the wank phrases people use at work thread reminded me of the office dares game that someone encouraged me to join in with at my previous job. So I've dug it out.

One point dares:

1. Run one lap around the office at top speed
2. Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other 'non player' must be in the bathroom at the time
3. Ignore the first five people who say good morning to you
4. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye"
5. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace
6. When someone hands you a piece of paper finger it and whisper huskily "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good"
7. Leave your zipper open for an hour. If anyone points it out say "Sorry really prefer it this way"
8. Walk sideways to the photocopier
9. Whilst in a lift gasp dramatically every time the doors open


Three Point dares:

1. Say to your boss "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers
2. Babble incoherently at a fellow employee than ask: "Did you get all that I don't want to repeat it"
3. Page yourself over the intercom (Do not disguise your voice)
4. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a non player within sight)
5. Shout random numbers while someone is counting

Five point dares:

1. At the end of a meeting suggest that for once it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (25 extra points if you actually launch into it yourself)
2. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation turn the light switch off/on 10 times.
3. For an hour refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob"
4. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two"
5. After every sentence say "mon", in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "the reports on your desk, mon". Keep this up for an hour
6. While an office mate is out, move their chair into a lift
7. In a meeting or crowded situation slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up damn it - all of you. Just shut up"
8. At lunchtime get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness I'll never go hungry again"
9. In a colleagues diary write 10am "See how I look in tights"
10. Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask, "Wanna trade?"
11. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that? What? Never mind it’s gone now"
12. Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why say, "I can't talk about it"
13. Posing as a maitre d' call a colleague and tell him he's won lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
14. Speak with an accent during a very important conference call
15. Find the Hoover and start hoovering around your desk
16. Hang a two foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.

[Stu Monty]

I've seen them before but they rule.

[RedinSweden]

I'd have done a great number of those at a previous job, but there are only 9 people in my office now and that makes most of them quite tricky. They already think I am mental anyway so most of them wouldn't shock them. You don't have to do much to be considered mental in Sweden. They say the English are conservative, try the bloody Swedes

[kop]

I once planted some cress in a co-worker's keyboard when he was on holiday. Watered it every day and had a lamp over it for several hours a day. It looked ace after 3 weeks, you could almost not see the keys anymore.

[lifetime fan]

I work in a secure hospital for adults detained under the Mental Health Act, I could probably get away with all of these.

[Stouffer]

Originally Posted by lifetime fan I work in a secure hospital for adults detained under the Mental Health Act, I could probably get away with all of these.

Yes thats right, you "work" there.

[RedinSweden]

Originally Posted by kop I once planted some cress in a co-worker's keyboard when he was on holiday. Watered it every day and had a lamp over it for several hours a day. It looked ace after 3 weeks, you could almost not see the keys anymore.

One of the most effective tricks is messing with their mouse orientation when they go to the bog.

[Stouffer]

On win 2k ctrl+alt+cursor key changes the display orientation, good laugh.

[lifetime fan]

Originally Posted by NorthernRed Yes thats right, you "work" there.

I do honest, ask Rash!

[Stouffer]

Originally Posted by lifetime fan I do honest, ask Rash!

[Paul]

That is very, very funny. Proper belly laughs reading that.

[RedinSweden]

In the days before email, my mate was living in Australia and one day he sent me an envelope with sand from bondi beach in it. This went all over our lounge. To retaliate i sent him a letter completely full of holepunch "holes". He opened the letter on a packed bus in Sydney at rush hour.
I had put them in to the centre of a folded letter designed to fall out when the letter was pulled from the envelope. The radius from the holepunch explosion was vast according to my mate.

[lifetime fan]

A lad I play football with got called in to see the top dog at the insurance firm he works for shortly after 9/11. He got the biggest bollocking of his life for leaving a bag of baking powder in his desk drawer as a 'joke' for a colleague to find.

Imagine how much he shat himself when he realised that was a £180 worth of coke the MD was throwing away.

[Nunavut Patrick]

When I worked at UPS I put flour in the heater vent in the cab of a truck.

Also removed a couple of heaters from trucks (when its -20C in an aluminium tin can on wheels its quite cold).

[DJLJ]

Originally Posted by NorthernRed Yes thats right, you "work" there.

A woman I worked with, used to work for a cleaning company, and one day she locked herself in, at a ward of the local mental hospital, she spent 6 hours, screaming out a window trying to convince passing by Doctors, that she really didn't belong in there...