[Stu Monty]

From the award-winning Don't Believe The Hype feature from the fanzine.


Robert Pires

Now before I get into this, I think he’s a very decent player. I’d take him over 15 Cheyrou’s. The main point that I feel nobody makes clear enough when looking at his performances’ is the fact that left-midfield for Arsenal is possibly the easiest position in the world to play right now. The main reason that this is the case is Thierry Henry. He quite likes the left wing. Oh, and so does Ashley Cole. So if you are playing right full-back it’s going to be a right laugh dealing with that little lot isn’t it? Henry will drop deep and must start about 50% of his electric runs from over on the left wing. With a danger like that knocking around you could be excused for leaving the man with the silly beard unmarked for a while. The reason why Pires makes it look so easy is because any defence has generally been run ragged by Henry and he is just waltzing through any of the many gaps that he can find. Even if you do manage to mark Henry you then have to deal with Ashley Cole’s complete disregard for being a defender as he is legging it past you down the left wing. This again creates far more challenges down that side of the pitch and allows Pires even more freedom He also runs in an odd waddling-duck style, which may not necessarily be relevant when putting together a critique of his effectiveness as a footballer but will be submitted for the prosecution all the same. As will the aforementioned stupid little beard.

I would also have to say in his defence that Pires also has a syndrome which severely affects his balance, which in turn must surely make him a lesser footballer, although this terrible disease only seems to affect him in areas in which dangerous free-kicks or penalties may be conceded, which is handy. As I say, He is good. Very good. Just not quite as great as most people will have you believe, throw him into our midfield and he’d look a bit more Cheyrou and a little less Cruyff.