Great to see Brazil go out, and even funnier to see them undone by someone playing them at their own game.  All tournament Brazil have been diving, playacting, cheating.  Of course they aren’t the only ones, most teams in the tournament have been doing it.  But along with Spain, they’ve probably been the worst.  Then along came Arjen Robben.  No stranger to acting like a cheating little shitbag, he got right under the skins of the Brazil players, and in the end the volatile Felipe Melo’s temper snapped and stamped on the balding ex Chelsea rent boy.

At that stage Holland were 2-1 up anyway, and Brazil going down to ten basically finished the game.  They’d started well, gone in front through Robinho and went close a couple of other times.  But Holland got better in the 2nd half and were given a gift when Brazil’s keeper flapped at a cross and the ball went in off the head of the unfortunate Melo.  Apparently that was the first ever own goal scored by Brazil in the World Cup Finals.

The much vaunted best back four and keeper in the competition went to pieces in the 2nd half, and quickly let in another when Dirk flicked on a corner for the unmarked Sneider to head in.  Apparently this was the first headed goal of his career.  Brazil had been fortunate seconds earlier when a reckless lunge by the already booked Bastos ended with Robben hitting the floor and writhing in agony, even though replays showed he was barely touched.  Apparently this was the first time he’d ever done that…….. to a player wearing blue with the surname Bastos.

As much as you can understand someone wanting to stamp all over that little rat as he lay on the floor, you just can’t condone the stupidity of Melo and he got what he deserved.  It was funny after that, as Brazil’s players were really out to get Robben.  Seeing Robinho screaming at him to get up and calling him allsorts was especially ironic, given the antics of some of Brazil’s players - their captain in particular - during this competition.

I’m glad Brazil are out because they simply don’t know their place.  It’s simple, every nation has their own little role to play in the beautiful game, but sometimes certain nations forget their place and fuck with the status quo.  For example, everyone knows England’s purpose is to turn up at tournaments with all their support believing they’ll win.  They start off shite, and then lose to the first good side they face.  Aside from one occasion in 1966, they’ve always fulfilled their role and should be commended for it.

Germany’s place in the overall scheme of things is to reach at least the quarter finals of every competition they enter, and to always look better than the sum of their parts.  Uruguay’s job is to be cynical and cheat, Italy to bore everybody shitless and all African teams exist only to be patronised by idiot commentators.

Brazil, whether they like it or not, are on this planet to play the game with a reckless abandon, to do things that no-one else can even dream of, let alone replicate.  It’s their role, and if that means they’re shite at the back and lose to sides not fit to lace their boots, so be it.  Brazil are the team that everyone wants to watch, even people who don’t like the sport.  They’re the Harlem Globetrotters of football.

The 1982 vintage played this role to perfection, whilst other Brazil sides did it whilst also winning trophies in the process.  Somewhere along the line though, Brazil have gotten ideas above their station, and this year Brazil were just not Brazil, they tried to be Italy or Germany.  Solid at the back, compact in midfield and not too much flair in attack.

Well out you go Samba boys, you lost to a team containing Andre Ooijer.  Next world cup I want you doing adverts performing tricks in an airport to a catchy samba beat, and leave the good defenders and holding midfielders behind, or don’t fucking bother showing up.  Know your role, jabronis.

I don’t even think Holland played that well, and they’re another team not doing what they’re meant to.  They are supposed to play free flowing total football and then implode on themselves because all the ego’s in their squad can’t co-exist for more than a couple of days at a time.  What we’re seeing here, is a team that finds a place for Dirk Kuyt, which tells you that a) they aren’t playing total football anymore and b) ego’s no longer rule the roost as Dirk is one of the nicest, most unassuming men on the planet.

Not even the best efforts of the insubordinate, arrogant, selfish twat Robin Van Persie have been enough to return Holland to their former selves, but at least it shows there’s one Dutchman who remains true to their traditions.  There’s still time for them to try to kill eachother yet, and it’s a safe bet that if they do then Van Persie or Robben will be at the heart of any problems.  Pair of dicks.  For this Holland squad to emulate the Dutch squads of the past they could really use a John Terry, Patrice Evra or Sulley Muntari in their ranks.

With Holland getting the easier of the semi finals, there’s every chance we’ll see Dirk in a World Cup Final.  More bizarrely, we could see Ryan Babel with a World Cup winners medal.  Holland’s equivalent to Bernard Diomede perhaps?  I could live with Holland winning it, as it would be nice to see Dirk lifting up the world cup.  He’s one of the good guys.

I wasn’t expecting much from Uruguay against Ghana, and it wasn’t especially memorable until that amazing finale. Losing Diego Godin before the game was a blow for the South Americans, but when Lugano went off as well, they were in trouble as they’ve been two of the most impressive defenders in the tournament.  They went a goal down when the keeper completely misjudged Muntari’s long range drive, but Forlan scored a screamer to get them level.  I love Forlan, sign him up Roy.

As for Muntari, he always looks like he’s about to burst into tears.  Always has a furrowed brow and an upset look on his face.  Mind you, if I’d been locked away in a training camp with Kevin Prince-Boateng for several weeks I’d probably feel like crying too.  In fact, replace weeks with seconds and it would still be the case.

Tell you what though, as much as I think he’s a cock, he’s played really, really well in this tournament.  Still an absolute fucking biff though, and now he’s out.  Hahahahahahaha.

Still, as happy as I was to see him out, it was impossible not to feel sorry for Gyan.  He’s had a fine tournament, and what happened to him was cruel and undeserved.  Suarez will get loads of shit for what he did, but whilst he’ll be a villain throughout Africa, he’ll be a hero in Uruguay.  He did the right thing for his team and had he not done it he’d have been letting the side down.  Was it cheating?  Well yeah of course it was, but the problem here is the rules of the game stink and need changing.

I wrote this in an earlier blog after Kewell was sent off:  “I’ve always thought that a red card for handball on the line is wrong.  Personally I think a goal should just be awarded.  If a penalty is awarded and scored, that’s punishment enough and a red card is then very excessive, especially when it wasn’t a deliberate attempt at cheating (as with Kewell).  But if the penalty is missed then how is that fair?  Ok, the sending off evens it out a bit, but it also ruins the game.  The only fair way of doing it is to just award a goal whenever it happens (as long as the ball was definitely going in of course). Won’t ever happen though.”

What happened to Ghana is the perfect example of why I’m right.  What you have now is Ghana unfairly out of the competition, and Suarez being villified for what he did.  Not only that, but there is a clamour for him to be banned for more than just the one game.  Fuck off, if that happens it’s a disgrace.  The rules state handball on the line is a red card and a one match ban.  Had that incident happened earlier in the game, or when the scores weren’t close, no-one would care.

The rule stinks, but you can’t punish Suarez for that and he should miss one game, and no more.  I don’t blame Ghana fans for hating him though, especially when he was celebrating Gyan’s miss as he watched from by the tunnel.  To borrow a phrase from the legendary Danny Dyer , that was “a bit naughty”.

Gyan showed balls of steel to put away his penalty in the shoot out, but Mensah’s pen was surprisingly none too clever (last time I’ll get to use that one unless he stays at Sunderland, in which case I’ll recycle it for next season).  Perreira’s was bad too, but when Ghana’s young sub missed it put Uruguay back in the box seat and it all came down to Sebastian Abreu.  I still can’t believe he took his pen the way he did.  Amazing.  He must have clocked Kingson going early on all the other kicks to have attempted that.

Onto Saturday’s games, and Germany destroying Argentina was probably not as big an upset as it seemed on the face of it.  If the Germans got their noses in front, a rout was always a possibility as they are so good on the break and Argentina are shite at the back.  An early Argentina goal would have made it a lot more interesting, but Germany really restricted the Argentinian forwards and you can’t help but be hugely impressed with how they have played.

Schweinsteiger has been the player of the tournament up to now, with Ozul and Muller not too far behind.  I’m becoming more and more impressed with the Milan Baros lookalike in midfield too, he’s been outstanding  (Kadira is it? Not sure on spelling).  Then there’s Lahm, and Klose.  The list goes on.  Germany are fucking boss.

It wasn’t nice seeing little Diego so upset though, I hope he’s ok the poor little guy.  He’d done a good job in this tournament prior to this, but you can only go so far with good man-management and giving quality players the confidence to go out and play.  Natural talent can get you out of the groups, but when you cface the better sides you need more.  Things like defensive organisation, a pattern of play and a plan B.  Argentina didn’t have any of that, they just rely on their stars to produce something.  Germany are a much more accomplished team despite all the star quality the Argies have.  That Argie back four was always going to prove their undoing though wasn’t it?

The contrast in styles in this game was very interesting I thought.  Argentina rely on individual brilliance rather than team play.  Germany are the opposite.  Their supreme team play makes individuals look brilliant within it’s framework.  They’re absolutely fucking awesome, a football machine.  They’ve been the best team in the tournament since their opening match, and they’ve been the best to watch as well.  I love their football, so simple, so effective.

Not even Lawro’s shit jokes could ruin my enjoyment of this game.  Commetator: “Di Maria was seen as one of the must have signings of the summer going into this tournament”  Lawro:  ”yeah but a vuvuzela would be considered as must have too”  Not for the first time, I have to say “Eh?”

With Brazil having been dumped out the previous day, Mick Jagger needed a new team to support, and he was there for this one, presumably supporting the Argies.  He’s a fucking jinx isn’t he?  Let’s get him a season ticket at Old Trafford next season, the bad luck bringing wrinkly arl bastard. He best not show up at Anfield.  ”Hey! You!  Get out of my crowd!”   See, that’s the kind of line Lawro should be using instead of that shitty “Mick’s not getting any satisfaction” one he keeps repeating.

Spain against Paraguay was a bit shit wasn’t it?   A really disappointing game, Spain were rubbish although Paraguay’s work rate and closing down was commendable.  The game sprung into life when Paraguay were awarded a penalty after Pique almost pulled Cardozo’s arm out of it’s socket.  You don’t often get pens given for this even though it goes on all the time (perhaps not quite as obvious as this one though!), but the ref was spot on.  It was just about the last thing he did get right, as from then on he lost the plot.

Cardozo’s pen was saved (Casillas later revealed Pepe had told him exactly where Cardozo would put it) as four Spanish players encroached into the box.  Technically it should have been retaken, but if the ref doesn’t want to punish encroachment then fair enough.  Except a minute later Villa was brought down in the box for a pen (correct decision, except a yellow was given instead of a red), Xabi slotted it home only for the ref to order it to be retaken because of….. encroachment.  Hmmmm.

A look at the replay shows that technically there were players encroaching, but nowhere near as bad as the Cardozo one.  As so often happens in these circumstances, Alonso then saw his second penalty saved.  ”Hard to retake pens, that can happen to the best of us!” quipped one of Xabi’s former Liverpool team-mates, who suffered the same fate at the last World Cup.

It was in the balance at this stage, as Spain weren’t looking good and Paraguay were growing in confidence.  But one moment of magic from Iniesta cut Paraguay open, Pedro hit the post and the ever reliable Villa put in the rebound to settle the tie.  Paraguay kept battling and almost equalised through Santa Cruz, but Casillas made a brilliant save to send his team through to the semi’s.

On this evidence though, Germany could have far too much for Spain.  Del Bosque’s side are going to have to step it up a lot if they’re going to make the final, although the first goal could be crucial.

And what of Torres?  He was awful again, and Del Bosque must be at the point now where he’s thinking of dropping him.  Apart from the opening game against the Swiss, Spain have looked better in every game when Nando hasn’t been on the field.  And his presence in the team means Villa being shunted to the left.  It wouldn’t be a surprise if Torres was on the bench against Germany, as he just doesn’t look right.  It’s not nice to see, but on the plus side it reduces the odds of anyone making a huge bid for him I guess.

One final observation from this game.  Paraguay’s Nelson Valdez looks like Wayne Rooney in a wig.  Did Wayne’s dad spend some time in South America back in the day?  Valdez is apparently moving to the North West with Wigan after the World Cup.  Hmmm, interesting.