Uruguay became the first team through to the last eight with a 2-1 victory over South Korea.  Both goals came from the impressive Suarez, and the South Americans were good value for the win even though they sat off too much in the 2nd half and allowed South Korea to get back into it.  They’ve got several players who would be in with a shout of making the team of the tournament, including both centre halves and Forlan and Suarez.

USA v Ghana was a good game, although the first goal put me on a huge downer.  I couldn’t believe it, of all the people who could have scored it had to be him.  Anyone but fucking him.  Thankfully he later went off injured, the massive weapon.

When I named my best of the group stages squad, Ghana keeper Kingson was really unlucky not to be in it, and he was brilliant again in this game.  I thought the USA were marginally the better side over the 90 minutes, but seemed to run out of steam when it went to extra time, and Gyan’s goal was brilliant.  Good player him.

The commentary in this game was horrible.  That twat Drury and Jim Beglin were just so biased for Ghana, and what’s with the constant references to how young the Ghana team is?  Fuck me, never heard so much bleating about youngsters since David O’Leary would bore the tits off us all going on about ‘moy young lards’ when he was at Leeds.  Interesting that people haven’t been falling over themselves to point out how young Germany’s side is.

Ghana’s victory went down well with BBC’s court jester Marcel Desailly.  He is still massively irritating, yet bizarrely fascinating to watch.  Is he starting to grow on me?  He might be you know, time will tell.  At the moment I still think he’s a tit, and you can tell he’s more French than African as his dancing just isn’t up to scratch.

What the fuck was Mick Jagger doing with Bill Clinton in the vip section supporting the US?  In fairness, I’m not really in a position to have a go at an Englishman supporting other countries, so I’m probably best to leave it at that.

I wanted the US to go through, as they’ve played with a great spirit and had been on the end of some really bad officiating.  In the end though, they just came up short.  Congratulations to Ghana, if you take Prince-Boeteng out of the equation there’s nothing to dislike about them, aside from the constant waffle about them representing the whole of Africa.  Yeah, like the whole of Europe will be supporting Germany against Argentina because they’re representing us all.  Not.  Ghana are representing Ghana.  The rest of Africa can support their own fucking countries, the coat tail hanging bandwagon jumping fuckers.  They’re worse than Mick Jagger.

I’ve nothing against Ghana, but Prince Boeteng is such a massive, massive dickhead that his presence alone is enough reason for me to want them out ASAP.  Even after he’d gone off injured he still managed to get his mug on camera and ruin my evening.  Gyan was doing his post match interview with ITV, and who comes up behind him and kisses him on the neck?  You guessed it, fucking attention seeking cunt.

England Germany was a brilliant game.  It had absolutely everything, and was great entertainment for the neutral.  I wasn’t exactly neutral, I have to confess I was supporting Germany.  I’m not proud of it, it’s not about trying to be cool or different, and it wasn’t a conscious decision.  I just found myself cheering every German goal, and laughing when Lampard’s ‘goal’ wasn’t given.  I don’t know why, it was just my natural reaction, I couldn’t help it.  Carragher’s omission made it easier, that’s for sure.  I’d have felt incredibly guilty wanting them to lose if Carra was in there, but then if he was then I doubt they’d have been so royally buttfucked.  I feel a little guilty anyway, and I was sad for Gerrard, but the heart wants what the heart wants, and the heart wanted England out.

It was obvious from the start that Germany could cut through that England back four at will, and that first goal was so laughably bad.  I’m not sure who was to blame the most, there were a few of them culpable.  Why was Mongo coming out of the back four to pick up Ozul, and leaving a huge hole in behind?  Isn’t that what Barry is in the side to do?  And Upson’s positioning was just bizarre.  Klose took it well though.

He’s a strange one him, he’s nothing until he pulls on a Germany shirt, then he turns into one of the best frontmen in the world.  He was ably supported by the outstanding young pair of Ozul and Muller, whilst Schweinsteiger was brilliant again.  He’s one of the top three players in the competition for me so far, I think he’s fantastic, a great player.

The second goal was also wretched defending.  The centre backs were being pulled all over the place, but what was Barry doing?  He’s meant to be the sitting player, dealing with the players who drop into the space between defence and midfield.  He was nowhere, and Mongo and Upson were being pulled all over the park by the clever German forwards.

It was so one sided it was embarrassing.  But then England pulled one back, and seconds later looked to have equalised.  The linesman clearly fucked up hugely, but the ref should have seen it himself as it was so far over the line even David James knew it was in.  I laughed about it, but as I write this now I do feel genuine sympathy for Lampard and England.  It’s scandalous that this could happen at any level, let alone a huge game in a world cup.  Blatter deserves whatever flak comes his way, but he’s a law unto himself and will do what he wants, not what is right.

There was some shite spoken by pundits prior to the game about how ‘average’ this German team are.  Have they not watched any of the the other games?  They’ve been class.  I heard people saying beforehand that man for man, only one or two German players would get in the England side.  That’s completely missing the point, it isn’t about that, it’s about playing as a team, being organised and having a set pattern of play that people are comfortable with.  All things Germany have in spades and England don’t.  But aside from that, don’t tell me that Lahm, Schweinsteiger, Muller, Ozil and even maybe Podolski wouldn’t all get in the England side, as they would.  Easily.  The keeper might as well actually.

Gerrard said afterwards it was ‘never a 4-1 game’ and he’s right.  It should have been about 7-2, as Germany were miles better.  However, that horrendous decision DID change the game, because had England got back to 2-2 anything could have happened.  Their confidence would have soared, Germany might have bottled it, we’ll never know.  The better team won, but that decision was outrageous.

Almost as outrageous as Capello bringing on Heskey for Defoe when they needed goals.  What was he hoping to achieve with that?  For such a well respected and highly thought of coach, Capello has made some mad decisions in this competition.  I can’t see him surviving this, and he can have no complaints if he doesn’t.  Seriously, Emile Heskey????   That’s like sending in Will & Grace when you need the A-Team, or the Chuckle Brothers when you need the fucking Ghostbusters.  Who ya gonna call?  Not big Emile, not unless you’re fucking insane.  Or want to be sacked.

I see Mick Jagger was in the crowd, giving it loads for England.  Yanks got knocked out did they, eh dinghy lips?   Who are you gonna support now, Brazil?  Spain?  Argentina?  Bandwagon jumping jack flash cunt.

Germany’s brand of football is so pleasing on the eye, and the best thing that could have happened to them was Ballack being ruled out.  I don’t think they’d have looked as balanced had that massive ego been available.  In his absence, other players have taken responsibility and they’ve been brilliant.  Their game with Argentina should be a classic, I can’t wait for it.

England should count their blessings that Germany decided to rest players for that game, because had they kept all their stars out there this could have been double figures.  Every time the Germans counter attacked they looked like they could score.  And how slow is Gareth Barry!!  It was obvious he was slow ever since he was outpaced by Albert Riera a couple of years ago, but this was ridiculous.  He had a ten yard start on Ozil and still not only got burned, but he couldn’t even get close enough to kick him (he tried to, and missed by miles).  Gareth Barry is a totally over-rated, square jawed, fat arsed, snail paced rod, who wouldn’t get within a million miles of any of the decent sides in this competition.

And how shit was ‘big brave JT’ by the way?  Either his big brave legs have gone, or all the off the field shite he’s gotten himself into has caught up with him.  Ray Parlour hit the nail on the head with analysis of the game the next day:  “John Terry got sucked into a big hole where he shouldn’t be going”  Yeah, and because of that poor old Wayne Bridge missed the World Cup and Mongo’s form disappeared quicker than Lampard’s dinner.  Hang on, that’s not what Parlour meant, is it?  My bad.

The Argies booked their place in the last eight with a convincing enough win over plucky Mexico.  The opening goal was such a staggeringly bad decision by the linesman that it may have even eclipsed the Lampard one, in fact I’d say it probably does, as a lino’s first objective is to look for offsides, and he failed spectacularly.  Tevez didn’t even have one opposing player between him and the goal, let alone two.  To compound the error, the incident was mistakenly shown on the big screen in the stadium, as the Mexico players furiously looked on.  When they saw it, they all converged on the official, understandably so.  I’m sure the officials would have liked to have reversed the decision, but there’s nothing they can do about it.

Up until then, Mexico had been giving as good as they got, and had hit the bar through the once again impressive Salcido (although it went to his head a little and he turned into Mark Gonzalez, shooting from everywhere).  The goal rocked them, and they gave a second away shortly after with what might just be the biggest howler of the tournament so far.  Tevez added a brilliant third, before that new manc lad pulled one back with a cracker.  Looks decent him, but hopefully he’ll bomb like Forlan did before going to become a great player somewhere else.

The Argies never hit top form, but didn’t need to after their helping hand from the linesman and the Mexican defender.  Diego was as entertaining as always, even getting in the middle of a half time ruck to calm things down.  What a guy!  If they beat Germany I think they’ll go all the way, but I’m not sure they’ll beat Germany.

Next up were Holland, as Dirk took on Skrtel.  Not a classic, I fell asleep at the start of the 2nd half and only woke up with 15 minutes to go.  Holland didn’t convince, although Robben showed how dangerous he is and Dirk did alright.  Skrtel was just giving free-kicks away and then complaining about them.  I’ll be honest, I’d sell him if it were up to me.  He’s not bad, but I don’t reckon he’s that good either, he gives away too many fouls and he’s got a head like a ten bob coin, his headers always just go straight up in the air.

It was a stupid foul from him that led to the second goal, and he then got booked for kicking off about it.  His boot was virtually in the guy’s face, and he doesn’t think that’s a foul?  Slovakia had a go, but they aren’t very good and it was comfortable enough for the Dutch even though they didn’t look too good themselves.  They haven’t been tested at all yet, and I think they’ve got another couple of levels they can go to if necessary.

Brazil / Chile was a massive let down.  I fancied Chile to cause a surprise, but Brazil are just too ruthless and efficient.  Brilliant defence and keeper and two good defensive midfielders in front of them.  They’re really hard to break down, but I don’t like watching them because when you see those yellow shirts and blue shorts, you want magic, not functionality.  I’d have loved Chile to do them, but it was men against boys.  Hope Holland put up more of a show.  Sad to see Chile out, I’ve enjoyed watching them, apart from that chump Gonzalez.  He was subbed at half time, which was about 45 minutes too late.

Juan was brilliant, Lucio too, but he’s a shoe in for the Twats of the Tournament XI.  Always diving and playacting, he does my head in.  Great player, but one annoying bastard.  And what’s with all the Premiership rejects in their squad?  Kleberson even got on, and some loser who was apparently at Spurs who I have absolutely no memory of.  Next round they’ll probably wheel out that ‘Rodrigo(al)’ jamook who spent a year at Everton.  And as a mate commented during the game “That Kaka lad who ripped us apart in Istanbul should sue this jabroni who copied his name”

Apparently the Chilean media had expected their side to go through because Mick Jagger was supporting Brazil and they saw him as a bit of a jinx.  I was taking the piss when I asked who he’d be supporting next, but many a true word said in jest and all that.  Hopefully he’ll be supporting the Dutch after the next round, as I really want Brazil out.  Along with Spain and Ivory Coast, they’ve been the worst cheats in the tournament, especially Lucio.

The penultimate last 16 game saw Japan and Paraguay go head to head.  Sad to see the Japs go so negative, as I’d really enjoyed watching them up until today.  But the stakes are getting high, and they went safety first, using Honda as a lone frontman.  It didn’t suit them, and they paid the price.  It was a non-event, and even the penalty shoot out was dull.

Finally came the one we’d all been waiting for.  Spain - Portugal.  Despite all reports to the contrary, Xabi did indeed take his place in the Spain side despite heavy swelling on his ankle.  There’s no way he was ever gonna miss this game, he’s one tough hombre is my Xabi.  Wouldn’t have been the first time he’d been sidelined by a Ponce though, there was Lampard’s shithouse challenge that broke his ankle, and then there was the time Rafa selected Plessis ahead of him for the game at the Stadium of Light.  What?  Too soon to be making that gag?

Torres started well, but it didn’t last and he once again cut a forlorn figure before eventually being subbed.  He’s not fit or sharp, and this is the biggest stage of all and you just can’t get away with not being 100%, not even if you’re Fernando Torres.  It was alarming how Spain immediately looked miles better the second he was replaced by Llorente.  Could be a co-incidence, but they stepped it up instantly when Nando went off and looked a far better team.

As enjoyable to watch as Spain have been, the levels of cheating and playacting from them has been disgraceful, never more so than when Capdevilla got the Portugal right back sent off.  Sickening that was.  Have to say I’m only supporting them now because of Xabi.

Portugal’s tactics were bizarre, I don’t even know what they were trying to do.  Ronaldo had no support, no service, no nothing.  I was actually feeling sorry for him late on, but then he spat at the cameraman as he left the field and I remembered that you should never, ever feel sorry for Ronaldo because he’s a huge cunt.  I won’t be making that mistake again in a hurry.

Considering they’re such a technically gifted nation, how come Portugal’s centre forwards have always been so incredibly ordinary?  It defies all logic.  They can produce players like Ronaldo, Figo, Rui Costa etc, but their strikers are usually so bad they could be Italian.  The last one who was even remotely any good was Joao Pinto, but he was more of a 10 than a 9.  Nuno Gomes was a poor mans Inzaghi, and who was that other shit one who used to play in France and led the line for Portugal for about 10 years?  Can’t remember his name, but I always used to think he should be embarrassed to be sharing a dressing room with the likes of Costa and Figo.  Mind you, he’d walk into this current Portugal team.  Who the hell is that Almeira lump?

Meanwhile, Lawro and his shit gags continue to wind me up.  How many times did he crack that ‘Mick Jagger can’t get any satisfaction’ one?  Too many.  And when Spain were awarded a foul?  “We don’t need an inquisition over it do we?”  He makes my arl fella seem like Chris Rock.